A Mother’s and Father’s Day Ritual

by Janie Rakow

 

Living in the Northeast, the month of May brings with it anticipation of the warmer spring and summer months. It reminds me of my childhood, happy that school was almost over, and summer break was about to begin. I never quite feel like spring has truly arrived until May. It’s a turning point for me; significant in that I feel for the first time that winter and the cold dreary months are in the past.

May also heralds Mother’s Day and on the heels of that, Father’s Day. As we celebrate our mothers and fathers, I have many mixed emotions. I feel joy in that my children are with me to celebrate my motherhood; I am thankful my family can celebrate my husband on Father’s Day. But the hole in my heart is still present: I remember and mourn the loss of my own mother and father.

I lost both my parents 3 months apart. My dad died first, my mom shortly after him. Although two years have passed since they died, not a day goes by without thinking of them. Sometimes I randomly see my mom’s beautiful smile, her bright sunny face. Sometimes I hear my dad’s wise words, his advice about life. The ache still ebbs and flows, much like waves in the ocean. Some days it knocks me over, some days it gently washes over me, and some days it quietly recedes.

To honor and celebrate my parents, I have created a ritual. In our trainings, we teach about rituals during the vigil and right after the loved one has died. But we can also create yearly rituals to commemorate our loved one’s death on an anniversary, or a particular day. I enact a simple ritual on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I stop and pause at various times throughout the day. I close my eyes, relax my breath, and talk to them. I am mindful on these particular days to specifically thank my mom and dad directly. I thank them for the lessons they taught me and the joys they brought into my life. Although I can do this simple ritual at any time, on any day, this has become a yearly ceremony that I now cherish.