Doulas for Sudden Death

I’ve been thinking more lately about how doulas might serve family members after the sudden death of a loved one. Our model of doula work is generally pointed toward working with people who have a terminal illness. The work on meaning and legacy, as well as planning, which represents the focus of our early work, certainly makes a great deal of sense when it is carried out in months to weeks before a death and hopefully includes the dying person.

But, why wouldn’t doulas also be effective in helping family through the early stages of grief following a sudden medical event, accident, or suicide that ends a life? After all, we talk about the possibility of family exploring the meaning of a dying person’s life in their life, or having them create a legacy project while the dying person is still alive, but not capable or willing to participate. Why couldn’t those same activities occur after a sudden death. In fact, it seems to me that meaning and legacy work after a sudden death might be more impactful for family, precisely because the death was sudden.

The abrupt ending of a life feels surreal to people close to the person who died. Without time to absorb the idea that a person will die, the instant severing of a life is overwhelming. It simply can’t be comprehended quickly enough to make sense of the new reality. Exploring meaning and working on a legacy project refocuses people on the person who died, their importance to them, and what they can hold on to—rather than on the abrupt devastation they have experienced.

So, I think there is a very valuable role for end of life doulas in working with family after a sudden death. Naturally, beyond the work on meaning and legacy, the doula can help family process the intense emotions following the death and help them explore the experience of learning about the death. Those moments when a person learned about or witnessed a sudden death have many of the hallmarks of trauma. One of the ways to lessen the intensity of the experience is to tell that story over and over again.

In addition, the doula can explain the nature of grieving and detail what it takes to heal well, not just recover. The doula can also utilize the tools of guided imagery, light massage, and music to support the person in their early grief work.

I can imagine that working with someone after a sudden death might become an important part of a doula’s private practice success. I wouldn’t be surprised to see some end of life doulas actually specialize in this type of work. If a doula expects to do a great deal of that work, they should learn everything they can about the particular nature of sudden death trauma and grief.

Doulas who work with sudden death might refer to themselves as “Postmortem Doulas,” to distinguish their specialty, or this phase of work, from the work with terminal illness prior to death.

I hope this brief blog expands the way doulas see their work and starts a conversation among doulas about working with sudden death.