Learning From Each Other: Building Trust, A Conversation with INELDA Board Member Pastor Corey Kennard, Part Two
by Lisa Feldstein
In last month’s issue of INELDA Monthly I spoke with Pastor Corey about how he became involved in healthcare, his journey to becoming a national leader in the efforts to address disparities in palliative care for African Americans, and his advice to hospices to build trust by getting involved in community life well before people need their services. In this second part of our conversation Pastor Corey speaks about how the end-of-life (EOL) doula field can attract more African Americans and also learn from them the ways they have been delivering EOL care.
My questions to Pastor Corey appear in bold type with his answers underneath each question.
I know from the earlier part of our conversation that you have an extensive background in healthcare, chaplaincy, and palliative care, but I wondered if you have taken an EOL doula training as well?
No, I haven’t. As a matter of fact, I look forward to being involved in that process. However, I’m actually working on the CEDI (INELDA’s Advisory Council for Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion) to help look at the training of doulas, and working on how we can attract African Americans to be doulas. So, although I am not one, being a Chaplain and working with palliative care, I have a lot of experience in dealing with the dying. But I do look forward to more information and training around death doulas.
Of course, we have to attract more African Americans and other people of color to be doulas. It’s a catch-22. I think you have to have African Americans doing it to attract more African Americans. So, how do you get to that point of having more African Americans involved? I think it’s with people like me and others who have been, dealing with these areas – with healthcare, with death, with the dying, and the sick—to bring credibility from an African American standpoint to such programs and such disciplines.
When we can bring that credibility to doula work, we have an opportunity to really open the door for individuals to pursue training and certification. Being a doula, isn’t talked about in African American circles. The exposure and education surrounding it is something that we need to promote, move upstream. Go to nursing schools where African Americans are. Go to educational centers. Go to churches where African Americans worship and talk about this program, and this training, and how you want to intentionally help to bring African Americans into this circle of service as a doula. That will help to promote what I deem to be a wonderful service to the dying and to those who are in transition.
Since EOL Doulas haven’t been utilized much by African Americans up to now, there must be existing infrastructure, traditions, and practices for working with the dying in African American communities. How should doulas respectfully enter into an exchange of information? If people are mistrustful, how do you build the trust that lets you learn from the community as well?
It’s a good question, and I would answer it this way. Most people can feel the spirit and intent of another individual. So, if you aren’t from the African American community you’ll need to submit to the culture and norms to understand them. Norms such as family gatherings: people will want to gather to be involved in that dying process. That extends to community people, that extends to neighbors. That extends to the person who they always talk with at the grocery store. All those people are important. You have to understand that keeping people away is a turnoff. It’s a community thing. When a person dies in the African American community, often – not all times because nothing is absolute – the spiritual and social aspects of the community are involved. At the gathering you may have the bartender at a restaurant that they went to, and their pastor, because they were both very important to them in their life. So, you have to understand that cultural aspect and not be afraid of it, but embrace it.
When you’re coming from outside of the African American community, also understand that there are differences among people. There isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve, or to deal with suffering. When you can respect and honor the different traditions of the African American community, that builds trust.
You also want to be honest and say: “You know what, I don’t understand what you may need at this time. But if you could help me to understand, if you could teach me, I want to learn.” That’s huge. Because now you’ve put yourself in a position to say, I’m not here to dictate, I’m not here to run the show, so to speak. But I’m here to serve, and in order for me to serve, I want to learn more about your thoughts and your feelings about where you are now, your journey up until this point, and for the time that you have left. That’s tremendous. It really helps to establish trust.
Jessica Zitter, a palliative care physician I have come to know through my work nationally, is a great example of how to build trust by asking. She’s genuine. And she’s the type of person that breaks down walls, that breaks down barriers. Because she’s honest with where she is; she’s confident in who she is. And, she’s vulnerable enough to say I don’t know, or I don’t understand that. Can you help me? And just that willingness, is huge.
And then I would say, just having conversations prior to actually working in the community. Like we’re having now. Having those educational times where you can just learn and grow so that when you do enter into a situation, you’re more sensitive to what those individuals that you’re serving need. You also have to understand that you may not be able to identify wholeheartedly with all of those needs. Or you may not be accepted by those individuals whom you are trying to serve. You have to be okay with that. If you can’t meet their needs, perhaps someone else can.
It’s a hard thing for people to learn not to take rejection personally. Lots of times, it’s not about you as a person. And trust me, I’ve been rejected a lot. I used to take it personally. I used to think: “Well, if it wasn’t me, you wouldn’t have any help.” That’s the wrong attitude to have. Empathy plays a huge role in this – being able to say to yourself: “How would I feel if I was in their position, and I walked into the room?” What are realistic expectations, and what are unrealistic expectations? I have to reconcile that within myself in order to see how I can meet the needs of an individual I’m trying to serve.
Then there are the barriers to trust that come from society. Race and racism and healthcare disparities, have been going on for years – even back 400 years, to 1600. It’s been there in society. But what happened this past summer really began to help people to see the injustices that have been going on for so long. When you couple that with COVID, I think it was the perfect storm that opened people’s eyes. To help them see that: You know what? We’re better than this, we’re better than what we’ve been displaying. And, yes, racism is real. Systemic racism is real. Police brutality is real. People are coming to that knowledge and awareness. Of course, not all police are bad. Not all doctors and nurses are bad. But those who are make it bad for everybody else.
As we continue on this journey, as I work with INELDA, which I’m honored to be a part of, I want to do all I can to be realistic about the barriers. To help people to be realistic about the barriers that are in place. To be realistic about our ability to knock them over and tear them down, which we can do if we band together and see the value of and the strengths of one another. Where I’m weak, if you’re strong in that area, you lead. If I’m strong in an area where you’re weak, then I lead. We play to our strengths, not our weaknesses. That’s how I think we’re going to be able to overcome these superficial racial obstacles, and approach life from a beautiful human experience. That’s how we will come to value our differences, which I believe is key to attracting more African Americans to the work of being an EOL doula.