Doula Profile: Virginia Chang, Ph.D.

Virginia is an INELDA certified end-of-life doula based in New York City, NY. She has been trained by INELDA, the University of Vermont (UVM) Larner College of Medicine, and the Visiting Nurse Service of New York (VNSNY). She is currently working as an end-of-life doula privately and as a hospice and vigil volunteer for VNSNY. Virginia is a dedicated mentor within the field and is on faculty with UVM’s End-of-Life Doula Professional Certificate Program as Doula Facilitator. She sits on VNSNY’s Ethics Committee and Review Board and advises on matters of ethical significance to its hospice and palliative care program as well as INELDA’s Council on Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (CEDI). She is passionate about increasing awareness of end of life, self-care, and bioethics, and sharing her knowledge with others.

When and why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula?

In late 2016 and early 2017, three people very close to me died in the short space of seven months. I was very ill-prepared to face death in others; I was emotionally numb and overwhelmed by what happened. Unfortunately, I had never had a conversation with my loved ones about death and what they would have wanted nor do I know if a conversation was even possible. I often felt like a bystander in the dying process of my loved ones, not knowing what my options were and mostly doing what was recommended. I tried, like many people, to do “the best” for my loved ones and that is what I live with now. Afterwards, in my grief processing, I began to see that the deep sense of powerlessness and hopelessness I had felt in those situations was not the only option.

Two months after the third death, I saw an announcement for a talk at the Bhakti Center, a spiritual cultural center based on the practices of Bhakti yoga in my neighborhood in New York City. The talk was entitled “Why Death Matters,” and I thought it might help me in my grief. It was there that I met Henry Fersko-Weiss. I was captured by his talk about end-of-life doulas and the stories he recounted of his work. The one thing that stayed with me after the talk, that I kept asking myself over and over again, was “Why wasn’t someone like an end-of-life doula there for me?”

I contacted Henry, and we met in a coffee shop on the Lower East Side. That conversation with Henry planted the seed that led to becoming an end-of-life doula and began my journey to the work I am doing now.

How long have you been doing this type of work?

I spent the rest of 2017 exploring more about the end-of-life field and doulas. Then, in the beginning of 2018, I committed to this work. I trained with three different organizations:  INELDA, the University of Vermont End-of-Life Doula Professional Certificate program, and Visiting Nurse Service of New York in their hospice and vigil programs. I felt the variety of trainings strengthened and deepened my knowledge of and practice in the end-of-life field.

In the summer of 2019, I completed INELDA’s certification process.

What type of environment do you work in?

After my trainings, I did something rather unusual, completely of my own making – I decided to dedicate a year of service to doing clinical work. I volunteered like crazy, taking every opportunity to sit with patients and practice my doula skills. I saw a huge number of patients of different ages, races, and illnesses. I saw many different diseases at various stages of progression and the associated symptoms due to the disease or the dying process. I saw patients in all sorts of environments, including hospitals, hospices, care homes, and private homes. It was an incredible learning experience that year, but it made me feel prepared and confident for whatever situation I may be presented with in the future.

What do you do before you meet with a new client?

An interested client will usually contact me by email or phone. This is followed by an initial consultation, whose purpose is to find out more about the condition of the client and to determine their potential needs and how I can be of service. Another reason for this initial consultation is to find out if we are a good match for each other. From this phone conversation, I then develop the scope of services for the client.

When I go to meet a client for the first or nth time, I always prepare myself mentally beforehand. I have a little ritual that I do prior to entering someone’s home or a facility. Often, I can be found in the shadows of the building with pedestrians passing by and the sounds of traffic blaring. I close my eyes and breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I empty my mind of my world and open myself to receive. When I am still, I open my eyes, enter the building, and meet my client.

Can you share a short anecdote or insight that changed you?

“To be the best person that we can be, we need to first love and care for ourselves.”

“After me, anyone can come first.”

“You cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself first.”

All these sayings relate to the idea of self-care. Our society has long espoused the idea of self-sacrifice instead of self-care—a concept familiar to mothers and caregivers. Women in these situations often give up much of their own lives in terms of time, relationships, career, and leisure for the alternate goals of family or caring for a loved one. If they are self-sacrificing without appropriate self-care, this can lead to stress, fatigue, and burnout. The end result is that we are not functioning at our best.

We must first rid ourselves of the guilt that accompanies the idea of self-care if we are to bring better balance to our lives. We need to feel that it is okay to have some “me-time” or a “girls night out”. That it is okay to spend time in the garden feeling the earth between your hands or to draw/paint/collage to get those creative juices flowing. That it is okay to read a book or listen to music or to meditate. To just do something for yourself that makes you feel good.

This insight about self-care completely changed me, and I recognize its importance to my well-being, more so now as an end-of-life doula. I am hopeful that self-care can be incorporated more into our way of being, and not just be a buzzword as we hear more of mindfulness and meditation in the media today.

Who has been one of your teachers or mentors?

I have had many teachers in my life, but in the end-of-life field, it has been the dying who have been my teachers. Elisabeth Kubler Ross was the first to express this concept that “[the dying] teach you not only about dying, but about living.” In my personal experience so far as an end-of-life doula, I have found this to be true.

For all the training and book learning one can acquire, nothing teaches you more than to be with the dying through the dying process. The dying have taught me what it is and truly means to be a doula. The dying have taught me authenticity in connecting with human beings. The dying have taught me to look at my own mortality and work to be comfortable with it. And lastly, the dying have taught me to cherish my life and living now. And, as I have said previously, my life has been profoundly changed for it.

What do you wish you had known when you started as a doula?

For most of my life, I had never really thought about death and dying and even less about living and living well. I had not been exposed to death in an intimate way during my childhood or early adulthood. I had no idea that being an end-of-life doula and doing this work would impact me so much on a personal level. This work has enriched my own life and shifted my priorities in regards to relationships, work, finances, and leisure time. It has been such a journey being a doula.

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow doulas?

Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it.

Think big, but take small steps forward, and one day, you’ll be surprised at where you are.

You cannot imagine how the work will change your perspective on living.

What is your dream for your practice or doulas in general?

There is a great need in humanity right now for more awareness and education around the topic of death and dying. I wish for end-of-life doulas to be as recognized and commonplace as birth doulas, and our services available to anyone who might need us. So, you can see, we still have a long way to go.

 

Contact Virginia

[email protected] \\ Web: Till The Last  \\ Ph: (917) 933-3400

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of INELDA or its staff.