Home > Newsletters > NOVEMBER 2024
| Taming Inner Grief Ghosts: A Reflection for End-of-Life Doulas |
by Holly Strelzik, guest writer
|
|
Grief is no stranger to those of us working as end-of-life doulas. We walk alongside
individuals and families as they traverse one of life’s most vulnerable and intimate journeys— death. But as we offer presence and support, our own grief, both past and present, may quietly stir within us. These inner grief ghosts can be subtle, arising unexpectedly, or persistent, making it difficult to fully focus on our clients. If left unaddressed, they can affect our ability to hold space effectively.
In this reflection, we’ll explore how these “inner grief ghosts” appear, why taming them is essential, and how we can navigate this emotional landscape with compassion for ourselves.
|
|
|
 |
|
| doula Profile |
| Brianna Kocka |
|
Brianna is a Minnesota native who received her bachelor of arts from St. Stephen’s University, where she focused on literature and philosophy. She also received her certificate in worship studies and spiritual formation from SSU. She is a qualified administrator of the Intercultural Development Inventory, a psychology assessment that helps individuals and organizations measure their cultural competency, and she trained as an EOL doula through INEDLA in early 2021. She is married and lives in Minneapolis with her spouse and their husky mix, Denver.
|
 |
| Q&A with Brianna |
|
When and why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula?
|
|
I decided to become an EOL doula after two significant people in my life passed away. The first was a man I was dating, who died young from complications due to cancer, and the second was my paternal grandmother. Being near during these two deaths profoundly changed me and opened in me a desire to better understand and support those navigating end-of-life choices, planning, and emotional support.
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
 |
Community Meetup: End-of-Life System Changers
November 14 | THU 2-3pm ET
Join this month’s meetup for a conversation about how end-of-life doulas can support changes in the health care system, led by INELDA member coordinator Janine Cuthbertson. Get to know others in your INELDA doula community through small member groups, introductions to new tools and approaches, and shared stories. Our hour together will include a conversation on your visions for end-of-life support, breakout rooms for sharing, and collective reflection, so come ready to engage. Community meetup events are available to all INELDA members. Become a member | MEMBERS REGISTER |
|
|
 |
•In-Person• Community Event: Film Screening of The Last Ecstatic Days
November 23 | SAT 7:30-9:30pm PT
Join us for an in-person screening and discussion of The Last Ecstatic Days, a documentary about a young man with brain cancer and the hospice doctor who gives up everything to honor his dying wish. INELDA educators and end-of-life doulas Marady Duran and Greg Hedler will host this gathering at the Liberty Station Conference Center in San Diego. Following the screening, they will lead a conversation about the film. The event is free and open to all. Limited to 70 seats. View the trailer | REGISTER HERE |
|
|
 |
•Extended• End-of-Life Doula Training
December 2–18 | MON & WED 6-10pm ET
This six-session online doula training is intended for those who hope to support the dying and their circle of care. Learn INELDA’s doula approach and methods by exploring your own mortality, supporting the autonomy of the dying person, and understanding the signs and symptoms at the end of life. Training is open to all.
(Closes soon – Register by 11/15.) Click to see the full schedule | REGISTER HERE |
|
|
 |
|
| MEDIA OF THE MONTH |
 |
| *The Doula Business Guide: How to Succeed as a Birth, Postpartum or End-of-Life Doula |
|
by Patty Brennan
|
|
Patty Brennan is the owner and visionary force behind Lifespan Doulas. For 40-plus years, she has been a doula, midwife, educator, author, nonprofit executive, and entrepreneur. Patty has personally trained over 3,500 people to become birth, postpartum, and end-of-life doulas. As the founder and executive director of two community-based nonprofit doula programs in Michigan, Patty has helped make doulas widely available in her home state, especially for low-income families. READ EXCERPT
|
|
|
|
|
| How I Created a Digital Path to Healing From Loss |
by Phil Benavides, guest writer
|
|
When three of my family members passed away during the COVID pandemic, like so many others, I was faced with a powerful shift in perspective. The corporate path I had been on no longer felt meaningful—I needed to find a way to make a real difference in the lives of those dealing with profound loss, the way I was. I founded Remembrance out of a deeply personal desire to support people through the weight of grief, whether for human loved ones or for the pets who are so often our closest companions. We launched our company with pet memorials because, while the pain of losing a cherished pet can be overwhelming, support is often lacking, leaving people to grieve alone.
|
 |
|
Losing a beloved pet leaves a void that’s often hard to put into words. It can be overwhelming to navigate their absence, but honoring their life and the love shared is a powerful and essential step in healing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
| INELDA UPDATE |
LISTENING TOGETHER: A POST-ELECTION CONVERSATION |
We welcome you to join us Wednesday, November 13th, from 8-9pm ET for a conversation and gathering following this week’s election. We are opening the space on a Zoom call for dialogue and your responses to this week’s election results, and how that may affect your interactions with people you support. This space is open to everyone and moderated to ensure all voices are heard and respected. INELDA’s director of education, Omni Kitts-Ferrara will facilitate our time together. REGISTER
|
INELDA GOES TO WASHINGTON
|
|
INELDA joined the Coalition to Transform Advanced Care for its C-TAC Leadership Summit in October. This annual policy convention brings together changemakers, policy decision-makers, faith community leaders, health care providers, and others in the advanced health care space. READ MORE
|
 |
DID YOU KNOW THAT WE ARE A 501(C)(3) NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION? |
|
INELDA relies on public support to meet our annual budget and continue providing educational and community programs, scholarships, and advocacy and outreach to expand the presence of end-of-life doulas. Help INELDA meet its mission and transform end-of-life care with a monthly gift of $5, $10, or more.
Become an INELDA Sustainer today! DONATE HERE
|
|
| INELDA VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITY |
| INELDA is seeking a volunteer to support the development adviser and INELDA’s fundraising activities. While assisting with administrative tasks, research, and communications, the person filling this role will have opportunities to learn and develop fundraising skills and knowledge. Please inquire if you are interested—we would love to hear from you. READ ABOUT THIS OPPORTUNITY |
|
Support INELDA here |
|
|
|
| INELDA’S NOVEMBER WEBINAR |
| Monthly Webinar |
|
| Muslim Perspectives on Death and Dying |
November 21 | THU 7 – 8:30pm ET
|
| *Please note that due to the Thanksgiving holiday, our webinar schedule for November has been moved to the third Thursday of the month. |
|
Religious literacy can be beneficial in your role as an end-of-life doula. Whether you are new to understanding the world’s fastest-growing religion or are a Muslim practitioner, this webinar will dive into the religion’s approach to end of life and mortality. Explore how Islam allows for death awareness, making it part of the living experience by encouraging conversation about human mortality, community, and love.
Muslim scholar Dr. Zeyneb Sayilgan from the Institute for Islamic, Christian, and Jewish Studies (ICJS), will share her deep expertise and personal experiences.
|
 |
|
Dr. Sayilgan encourages attendees to watch this three-part series prior to the webinar if time allows. The series is from ICJS, and is an in-depth dive into death and dying from a Muslim perspective.
INELDA educator and hospice nurse navigator Nzinga El-Mekki Abdullah-Aziz will moderate this conversation, guiding attendees through the end-of-life rituals and customs of the Islamic faith.
|
|
Cost: Free with INELDA Tier 2 & 3 Membership | Tier 1 and Non-members $15
|
 |
|
| PRACTICE CORNER |
| TOOLBOX TIPS |
 |
I have had one or two Death Cafes where children were there and they were a welcome presence! Instead of focusing on prompts for all attendees, I would welcome silence. I’ve found that people come up with their own best prompts when they have a few moments to think.
—Kiernan Riley-Lee
|
 |
|
| SHARING SOURCES |
| CaringBridge |
|
CaringBridge is a nonprofit, no-cost health platform for family caregivers and the loved ones they support on a health journey. It provides a secure space for users to embrace healing by documenting a health journey, enhancing both emotional health and social support.
|
 |
|
CaringBridge enables users to communicate seamlessly to update everyone at once in a private space, alleviating the burden of individual updates.
|
|
|
|
|
ASK INELDA
|
 |
|
“I feel like I need to know more about different diseases before I become a doula. Can I still do this work?”—Training Participant
|
| Educator Omni Kitts Ferrara: Yes, absolutely! As doulas, the people we support are the experts of their own experience. We may not understand the specifics of their disease process, but we can ask them to tell us about it. Of course, there are plenty of resources on the internet that can help us learn about a specific disease process. However, even if we looked up amyotrophic lateral sclerosis or metastasized breast cancer, what we would learn would be generalized. Every person dies in their own unique way, and their experience of a “disease” is also unique and specific for them. My lived understanding is to ask them about what it feels like to them, listen to their story, and support their choices. READ MORE |
| Please submit questions to [email protected] |
|
 |
|
| SELF-CARE |
|
How the INELDA Emotional Support Center Offers Space for You
|
When I first started my journey as a doula, I had so many unexpected emotions and internal reactions rise to the surface that I didn’t know how to navigate. I was volunteering at a hospice and experienced unresolved griefs, traumas, and even a small existential crisis. I was unable to process my emotions with anyone in my community, as local end-of-life doulas were a real rarity in my community at that time. This led me to experience burnout, and eventually, I took a break from the work after witnessing a traumatic death in the doula role.
So, when I started my career in social work, I was able to work in partnership with our team to launch the INELDA Emotional Support Center for doulas in 2022. Through the support center, we work with doulas who need a compassionate and reflective space to process whatever they need to give attention to. READ MORE
—Marady Duran, MSW, LMSW, MATD
|
|
|
|
| News Briefs |
| West Virginia Enshrines Ban on Medically Assisted Suicide Into Constitution |
| West Virginians added “protection against medically assisted suicide” to the state’s constitution in the November election by a narrow margin of 1%. Medically assisted suicide is already illegal in the state, but with the passage of Amendment 1, the ban became enshrined into the state’s constitution. READ More |
 |
|
| New Stroke Prevention Guidelines Include Risks Specific to Women |
|
In the American Stroke Association’s newest prevention guidelines, for the first time the organization lays out recommendations for the population that suffers 57% of strokes: women. READ MORE
|
|
|
 |
| Digital Health Tools Could Unlock Healthier Futures |
| For US$0.24 per patient per year, an investment in digital health interventions—telemedicine, chatbots, mobile messaging, and the like—could help prevent more than 2 million deaths from noncommunicable diseases. READ MORE |
|
|
|
| The Final Word |
|
| A Story about a Story about Death |
| by Trey Moody |
|
I am old. My grown daughter is helping me fall
asleep, telling me a story she once heard
as a little girl. My daughter is holding my hand
the way the ground holds a greedy shadow. The story
goes like this—a little girl’s father lived
to be a cottonwood. Every day, the girl read books
entangled in branches. Evenings, the moon
swam between leaves. Interrupting the story,
my grown daughter nods toward the dark
window. In it, a soft painting of a child
caring for a tree. That’s when I know
I’m asleep, pretending to be a white sheet
of paper. All around, June wind blows
the limbs’ whispers like familiar snow.
|
| |
 |
|
Accessible, Equitable, and Compassionate Deathcare
© INELDA 2024 International End-of-Life Doula Association is a
501(c)(3) tax-exempt nonprofit organization
Tax ID#: 47-3023741
Email us: [email protected] | Phone: 201-540-9049
Donate to INELDA |
|
|
