Writing a Eulogy: Heart-Centered Work

by Garrett Drew Ellis

Writing a Eulogy: Heart-Centered Work

To die completely, a person must not only forget but be forgotten, and he who is not forgotten is not dead.

—Samuel Butler

A eulogy, or speech of remembrance, is one of the most sacred pieces of writing that one might ever create. Meant to be shared at a funeral, memorial service, or celebratory event after the death of a loved one, a eulogy is a unique opportunity to honor the life of someone we love and care about through memory and story.

Many people find writing such a speech to be very, very hard. Whether the reason centers around inexperience creating written works, fear or anxiety surrounding public speaking, or difficulty managing emotions enough to write while also grieving, eulogy writers may find it helpful to have both a template and some guidance while preparing for such a task. 

 

A Heart-Centered Undertaking

One of the most important things to remember when writing a eulogy is that it is a heart-centered undertaking. While most eulogies have several unique properties in common, the most important thread is that they are written with love and remembrance in mind. Whether that love be for a blood relation, a chosen family member, a friend, or on behalf of someone else entirely, the writer is most effective when their heart is guiding the words. Any potential eulogizer would be well-advised to write from the heart.

While transparency is important in a eulogy, it’s not meant to be a time of confession or therapy for the eulogizer. It is meant to be a collection of thoughts, memories, and stories that honor the life of the deceased, coming from someone who desires to do so in a celebratory light. This is most easily done when the eulogizer is someone who cares about the deceased—but again, the remembrance speech is not about the person doing the speaking. 

 

Prompts for Writing

A eulogy can include details that help honor and paint a picture of the personality of the deceased. In thinking through some of the things to share in a eulogy, you might find the following prompts useful:

• Consider your relationship with the deceased. How do you think this person would want to be remembered? Where did you meet, and what was important to you about your relationship? What will you miss most about the deceased?
• Was faith or spirituality important to this person? How might you honor those beliefs?
• What memories come to mind when you think about the deceased? What moments are you aware of in her or his life that were substantial and important?
• Are there any stories that the deceased frequently shared? Or that defined the way they lived?
• Humor can be therapeutic. It can lighten the mood and showcase the deceased if done so without irreverence. Was there anything funny about the deceased’s personality that you could showcase?
• Describe the way your loved one made you feel. Then connect those feelings to specific events or memories and share those.
• What might the deceased want you to share on their behalf? If this person were able to perform the eulogy, what do you think they would want the audience to know?

 

Practicalities to Think Through

• Center yourself before writing. A moment to honor the individual you are writing about will allow your thoughts to flow more freely. 
• How long, or short, does your eulogy need to be? Time limits can be helpful.
• Are there specific details in this person’s life that you might need to clarify or track down? Birthdate? Specific pieces of information?
• Feel free to center your eulogy around a main theme or thought. This may help bring clarity to what you say and allow the audience to walk away with a larger message.
• Remove anything from the eulogy that may be negative, confrontational, or inappropriate for the occasion. 
• Outline and write out your thoughts. Create a document that is easy for you to read.
• Practice your speech. You will want to be honest in your emotion, but a eulogy is also meant to encourage the audience, so a certain level of composure may be necessary.