OUR STAFF’S WINTER READING GUIDE
by INELDA
OUR STAFF’S WINTER READING GUIDE
Winter often allows us to slow down and spend more time in a book. Here are a few of INELDA’s favorite reads.
Shelby (instructor): I would say Midwife for Souls (Pauline Books and Media, 2007) by Kathy Kalina was one of the first books that touched my heart and articulated what I experienced as a nurse. It helped me to realize how I could show up in this work. I also loved Caitlin Doughty’s Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Stories from the Crematory (W. W. Norton & Company, 2015). I love her writing style, and she educated me on the history around death care in our culture. This book gives a very honest look at what cremation is and what it looks like. I only recommend this book to others who are comfortable with frank death discussions.
Synopsis of Kalina’s book: Midwife for Souls offers years of qualified experience and spiritual wisdom that will inform and comfort caregivers and loved ones. Caregivers, friends, and family members often feel unsure of what to say or do as they care for the terminally ill. This book provides insight, showing how the support of one’s Catholic faith and the power of prayer can be a guide in ministering to a dying person.
Kathy Kalina is a registered nurse and a woman of deep faith. She offers sound advice and wisdom that she has gathered from her own personal experience. Although a committed Catholic, her profound understanding of what the dying undergo during their final pilgrimage here on earth makes the book of value to everyone, regardless of religious preference.
Synopsis of Doughty’s book: Armed with a degree in medieval history and a flair for the macabre, Caitlin Doughty took a job at a crematory and turned curiosity about death into her life’s work. She cared for bodies of every color, shape, and affliction, and became an intrepid explorer in the world of the dead. In this best-selling memoir, brimming with gallows humor and vivid characters, she marvels at the gruesome history of undertaking and relates her unique coming-of-age story with bold curiosity and mordant wit.
Caitlin Doughty is a mortician and New York Times best-selling author. She is the creator of the web series Ask a Mortician, and the founder of The Order of the Good Death. She lives in Los Angeles, where she owns a funeral home.
Wilka (instructor) I recommend Holding Space: On Loving, Dying and Letting Go (Parallax Press, 2017) by Amy Wright Glenn. It is an intimate, moving read about the many ways in which loss touches our lives. It is very sensitive and insightful, and it has greatly inspired me in my work of holding space for loss, change, and transition. This is a book that honors all human experience, and awakens and celebrates our compassionate human heart.
Book synopsis: This book weaves together memoir, philosophical inquiry, and cutting-edge research on death and dying to chronicle how we, as individuals and as a culture, handle everything from grief to mortality.
In her work as a hospital chaplain, Amy Wright Glenn has been present with those suffering from suicide, trauma, disease, and unforeseen accidents and has been witness to the intense grief and powerful insights that so often accompany loss. She is also a professional birth doula with a deep and committed mindfulness practice who has thought deeply about the significance of human love and loss.
Kris (instructor and consultant): One book I have recommended for a decade to anyone who is facing caring for an aging parent or experiencing aging parents is My Mother, Your Mother (HarperCollins, 2009) by Dennis McCullough, MD. It is an introduction to “Slow Medicine.”
Book synopsis: Family doctor and geriatrician Dennis McCullough recommends a new approach: Slow Medicine. Shaped by common sense and kindness, it advocates for careful anticipatory “attending” to an elder’s changing needs rather than waiting for crises that force acute medical interventions—thereby improving the quality of elders’ extended late lives without bankrupting their families financially or emotionally.
Dennis McCullough, MD, was a family physician and geriatrician for over 30 years. He was a pioneer of the Slow Medicine movement, which advocates palliative care over invasive regimens for older patients suffering from the inevitable and irreversible decline of aging.
Marady (instructor): I just recently started to read poetry again after many years of committing to nonfiction and other works. The Spiritual Poems of Rumi (translated by Nader Khalili, Wellfleet Press, 2020) will leave you with many considerations on love, life, and spirituality. Rumi has the ability to create verses that nourish the soul and allow for deeper reflection and meditation by the reader. I also like to find poems that my hospice clients may enjoy while I am working with them, and I found Rumi to be an inspiration for that.
Book synopsis: Translated by renowned Rumi expert Nader Khalili, over 120 poems on spirituality from the Persian mystic poet and Sufi master have been carefully collected and curated in this beautifully illustrated edition.
Jalal ad-Din Rumi, commonly known just as Rumi, was a Persian Sunni Muslim poet, Islamic scholar, theologian, and Sufi mystic whose works, written in the 13th century, are popular throughout the world today.
Claudette (instructor): The book I would recommend is Sacred Dying: Creating Rituals for Embracing the End of Life (Perseus Press, 2003) by Megory Anderson, PhD. I enjoyed it because I think rituals can be incredibly meaningful—especially at the end of life. This book contains an explanation of ritual components, personal stories and experiences, and helpful appendices.
We are taught as end-of-life doulas that EOL rituals should be personalized for the individual who is dying. This is a comprehensive book that doesn’t contain “canned rituals,” but rather contains suggestions for what should be made part of a ritual; Included are thoughts about rituals for centering and preparation, incorporating religious rituals, for comfort and release, for letting go of burdens, for letting go of the body, for someone who is dying alone, and for ending life support. Several appendices offer selected passages from scriptures and sacred texts, poetry, readings, and prayers, There ia also a great bibliography and recommended readings organized into categories..
Book synopsis: Anderson shows how to use personalized and creative rituals to help those dying prepare for their death and to bring a sense of peace, reconciliation, and acceptance both to themselves and to the loved ones they leave behind.
Dr. Megory Anderson founded the Sacred Dying Foundation in 1996. She is trained and skilled in comparative religions and theology. Megory is a research fellow at the University of Winchester in the United Kingdom, and an adjunct and sometimes professor at the University of San Francisco and University of California, Berkeley. She holds a doctorate in theology of death and dying from Canterbury Christ Church, Canterbury, England.
Garrett Drew Ellis (instructor): My recommendation is Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief (Wisdom Publications, 2017) by Joanne Cacciatore, PhD. There is so much valuable and beautiful content packed into a book that is not extremely long. It really helped me to become a better doula because it taught me that grief and loss is a nuanced process that takes time and attention in order to “heal.” It helped me to be OK with sitting in the midst of hard feelings and not feeling compelled to fix, rush, or complete the process on any specific timeline or in any particular way. Bearing the Unbearable helps us to see that we have a right to grieve and to do so in our own timing and in our own ways. It is a process that, if embraced, can change us in ways we never thought imaginable. And even if it doesn’t, because grief is the cost of having loved deeply, we can own the process and bear it as we see fit.
Book synopsis: Organized into 52 short chapters, Bearing the Unbearable is a companion for life’s most difficult times, revealing how grief can open our hearts to connection, compassion, and the very essence of our shared humanity. This award-winning book should be required reading for grief counselors, therapists and social workers, clergy of all varieties, educators, academics, and medical professionals.
Dr. Joanne Cacciatore is a tenured research professor at Arizona State University, founder of the international NGO the MISS Foundation, and a bereaved mom since the death of her daughter in 1994. Her work at the Selah Carefarm was featured on Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry’s docuseries, “The Me You Can’t See,” in 2021.