An Inspired Legacy

Sometimes the vigil for a dying person begins before the lead doula has had a chance to help develop a legacy project. This was the case recently at one of the hospice programs we helped create. The woman who was dying was in her mid-fifties. She had cancer that suddenly seemed to speed up and intensify, just a few of days before Christmas. The woman, who I’ll call Robin, sank into an unresponsive state and could no longer eat or drink. Although her vital signs stayed stable, the clinical supervisor thought that she wouldn’t live much longer and the vigil should begin. The lead doula had begun life review work with Robin, but they hadn’t yet settled on the focus or the format.

The vigil was started in the late afternoon. The Lead Doula, Bob, took the first shift. He and the couple of doulas who followed him in shifts through the late evening discussed with Robin’s husband, Ken, the plan for how the vigil would be conducted. Ken told the doulas about the music she loved, readings, helped them create a visualization involving the beach in Far Rockaway, Brooklyn, and told them that Robin would love light touch and caressing.

The doulas continued the vigil until the morning of Christmas Eve, when it became clear that Robin’s vital signs weren’t changing. The manager of the doula program decided to halt the vigil until there were clearer signs that Robin was actively dying. During this halt in the vigil, Bob thought about the possibilities for a legacy project that could go on during the vigil when it started up again.

Inspiration
On Christmas day, Bob had a sudden inspiration. He had bought a new soccer ball for one of his grandchildren only to discover that she had just received a new ball from her parents. Bob was going to return the ball after the holidays, but then remembered that in addition to her full-time job as a teacher, Robin was a soccer referee and scheduler of referees for both youth and high school leagues across the state. He thought the new soccer ball could become a legacy project. He called Ken and told him what he was thinking. Ken loved the idea and thought it was very fitting for Robin.

So, when the vigil started up again the day after Christmas, Bob brought the ball to Robin’s room, along with different colored magic markers. Ken put a sign on the door of the room announcing that everyone who visited was to write a message on the soccer ball and then sign it. He asked that the messages people wrote speak about who Robin was and the impact she had on their life.

The Power of the Written Word
Messages quickly spread across the ball, covering its entire surface, reminders of how significant Robin had been to so many people. During the next three days, until her final breath, the doulas would, at times, read the messages on the soccer ball to Robin.

Later Ken told Bob what an amazing legacy the soccer ball was for him and his two sons. At the viewings and the funeral, the soccer ball was displayed next to and then on top of Robin’s casket. For the rest of Ken’s life it would have a featured place in his home and allow his sons to keep reading the wonderful things said about their mom, conveying part of the legacy she left them.