Creating A “Doula Aware” Community
by Nikki Smith
As you may well know, certain communities are less end-of-life doula-aware than others. I figured going into this that there would be challenges, but I also knew I was called to this line of work—and what better way to really immerse myself than to open my business in a “doula desert”? I spent a good 20 years hiding behind a desk in corporate America before I started on this path. I knew this work would mean coming out of my introverted shell, connecting with strangers, and spending a LOT of time explaining my new profession. But I had no idea just how much I would enjoy standing up in front of people talking about death and dying—even and maybe especially in a place where it was rarely discussed!
Yet how do you begin these conversations in a place where most folks are unfamiliar with the notion of a death doula? Education is key. When you’re in an area where not a lot of people have been exposed to end-of-life doulas, and tend to shy away from death talk in general, you have an opportunity. You can teach them about who we are and what we do—and convey that discussing death doesn’t make death happen. (My fellow midwesterners know what I mean here). Here are some ways to start educating your community.
As you may well know, certain communities are less end-of-life doula-aware than others. I figured going into this that there would be challenges, but I also knew I was called to this line of work—and what better way to really immerse myself than to open my business in a “doula desert”? I spent a good 20 years hiding behind a desk in corporate America before I started on this path. I knew this work would mean coming out of my introverted shell, connecting with strangers, and spending a LOT of time explaining my new profession. But I had no idea just how much I would enjoy standing up in front of people talking about death and dying—even and maybe especially in a place where it was rarely discussed!
Yet how do you begin these conversations in a place where most folks are unfamiliar with the notion of a death doula? Education is key. When you’re in an area where not a lot of people have been exposed to end-of-life doulas, and tend to shy away from death talk in general, you have an opportunity. You can teach them about who we are and what we do—and convey that discussing death doesn’t make death happen. (My fellow midwesterners know what I mean here). Here are some ways to start educating your community.
Start a Death Café
You’ve likely attended, heard about, or even run a death café. This is such a direct way to start having meaningful community conversations about death and dying. I’ve been hosting a monthly death café for almost two years. Each time some people come in who just want to meet me and/or learn about what I do. They often leave excited to share this new information with their friends. Many others attend who are working through their own end-of-life plans or will soon be caring for someone who is. They usually leave realizing that there is so much more help out there than they knew. No matter why people stepped into the space, most everyone leaves feeling more empowered to have these conversations in their own lives.
Spread the Word
Now for those two dirty words that almost no one likes: Public speaking. (OK, I love it, but I didn’t always!) I have a doula presentation at the ready, and take advantage of any chance I get to discuss this work. I’ve spoken at support groups, senior centers, and even set up talks at a local library.
It’s often as simple as reserving a free room somewhere, promoting it on social media, and alerting anyone who will listen. You can also seek out events and expos that invite experts to speak. Even your place of worship or community gathering spots may be open to hearing from you. Prepare a personalized presentation or speech and practice it often so you can always be ready.
Connect with Others
Networking has been a huge help. I can trace 90% of my successes back to my first networking event. “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” right?! I started attending networking events all over my city—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sure, sometimes I’m the odd woman out in a room full of real estate agents, but even they realize death touches everyone. Just by chance, I met someone at a general women’s networking event that led me to another group dedicated to people who work in eldercare. Through that meet-up, I’ve connected with seven hospices in three months that now all understand the role of death doulas.
Be confident in yourself and our mission as doulas. You can absolutely be the voice for the dying in your community, no matter how much of a doula desert it may be. You’ve got this! And you have your INELDA community by your side to help and cheer you on.
AUTHOR BIO
Nikki Smith has been passionate about the Death Positive Movement for years. She has spent countless hours, researching, studying and embracing the process of death and dying with compassion. Nikki is based in Columbus, Ohio and trained with INELDA in 2021. Additionally she studied grief coaching through Institute for Life Coach Training and Navigating Dementia through INELDA.