Doula Profile: Garrett Drew Ellis

by INELDA

Garrett Drew Ellis is an end-of-life doula who is based in Columbia, PA. He is the owner of Beyond Morning LLC. Beyond Morning is a death-support and storytelling organization that exists to help individuals remember, record, share, and celebrate their life’s story before the moment of death arrives. Then, when death is imminent, Ellis offers compassionate care and support through the death doula model.

Why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula?

I have had experiences with traumatic loss and grief from a very young age and found myself either always dealing with or supporting others in grief. I found the practice of writing and journaling at the same time and began a career teaching others how to write for their own mental health, as well as ghostwriting memoirs for them. 

My two passions of writing and death work came together two years before taking the INELDA class, when I saw an Instagram post about Henry Fersko-Weiss’ book, Caring for the Dying. I ordered it immediately. After reading it, it was as if my chest cracked open in the most beautiful way. I knew that I could take my experience, as well as the teachings of doulas like Henry, and offer something tangible to the world. Even more, I began to dream that I could bring my two passions together: writing and death service. I knew that I was called to write for the dying while supporting them at the end.

How long have you been doing this type of work?

I started writing professionally for others in 2005, became a hospice volunteer around 2010, took my doula training class in May of 2019 and have been practicing doula work ever since.

What type of environment do you work in?

I am really lucky to share a dedicated office space with my wife who also has a small business. I see clients there when possible but in reality, most of my work is completed either in client’s homes, public spaces or on site if they are living in a facility.

What do you do before you meet with a new client?

One of the most important things I do when meeting with a client, whether it is the first time together or one of our last, is to ground myself. My faith is also important to me, so I practice prayer. Most importantly however, I remind myself that every question, task or interaction I have with a client is about service: I am there to support them in whatever way they personally need. Even the act of writing a memoir for someone includes the act of laying aside my own ego, desires and thoughts and purposely prioritizing the clients voice, thoughts, and emotions. It is not about me; a doula serves. Period.

Can you share a short anecdote or insight that changed you?     

There is a popular street artist by the name of Banksy. He is quoted as having said “I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.”

I believe this to be true. There is the physical act of death, which comes with grief and loss of physical connection. There is a grief and fear that both the dying and those grieving them experience together. For the person dying: they fear being forgotten and for those loved ones who live on: they fear they will forget the person who died. This need not be. This is why I have a passion for supporting people in celebrating and documenting their lives through memoir. This is why I encourage those who are grieving to talk about, remember and share the experiences that they have had with their dead loved ones if they desire to do so. The act of remembrance keeps them alive and it eases the waves of grief.

Who has been one of your teachers or mentors?

I am a big reader so many of my teachers have been authors who wrote amazing works. Some that have mentored me through their work have been Jayson Greene, author of Once More we See Stars, Henry Fersko-Weiss in Caring for the Dying and probably most importantly, Maya Angelou in I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed. I also admire the work of Alua Arthur, David Kessler and Elizabeth Kuebler-Ross.

What do you wish you had known when you started as a doula?

Well, I wish I had taken self-care more seriously. Because we doulas have a heart to serve, I think we can sometimes develop a savior’s complex and quickly get burnt out. I wish that I had learned to balance the filling of my own cup so that I could be fully available to help fill others. It was a mistake I made and learned to manage.

Additionally, I wish I had fully grasped that the end-of-life doula practice is still a developing field. I think I was naïve to believe that I would open my doors and the dying would come flooding in. It has taken time to build a practice and even now, it is still growing. Doing so through relationship and not numbers or constant productivity is more important than anything else. I wish I had known that patience would be a virtue I needed to expect and to practice.

In relation to this, I wish I had known that there are many, many ways to serve as a doula, even if you can’t be hands on all the time. The COVID-19 pandemic put hands-on work on hold for a while, but there have still been opportunities to encourage, educate and serve in other ways. 

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow doulas?

Take your time. Don’t rush the building of your practice and don’t quit your day job until you have a strong and steady plan for building your business. Build clientele through relationship. Make care for yourself a priority; you won’t be any good to your clients if you are overloaded. Most importantly: remember that people have been doulas since the dawn of time. Have patience and know that you will always, always be needed.

What is your dream for your practice or doulas in general?

For my personal practice, my dream is that I would develop an offering that would help every person that uses it to keep the memory of their lost loved ones alive for generations. Additionally, I dream of a comfort care home where I can offer doula services to those who have no family and no one to remember them. I believe that no one should die alone. Most importantly, my prayer is that every client I ever interact with will have felt supported and know that if no one else does, while I breathe, I will always remember them. 

For the doula community, I dream of an increase in our numbers. I dream of a world where every death doula would teach and develop another doula, until the time comes when we fill the world.

Contact Garrett:

[email protected] \\  FB: @Beyondmorning \\ IG: Beyond_morning

The opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of INELDA or its staff.