Doula Profile: Glendon Geikie
Glendon Geikie
Bio: Glendon was trained as a clinical social worker at Smith College School for Social Work and spent 40 years as a clinician in private practice and at various mental health settings. During that time, he led mental health clinics and taught at Boston College School for Social Work. His first clinical experience was in child abuse, and his early clinical practice focused on children and families, including work in schools and a child guidance setting. Over time his practice transitioned to serving families, couples, and individual adults, including trauma victims. Along the way, he also became a trained mediator. Upon retirement, he and his wife relocated from Massachusetts to Palm Springs, California, where he now practices as an end-of-life doula, hospice volunteer, and grief counselor.
Q&A With Glendon
When and why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula? After retiring from clinical practice and moving to Palm Springs, I found myself needing to continue to be of service to people. Serving as a docent at the local air museum was not fulfilling, and working with the county fire department chaplains responding to trauma situations was hampered by philosophical differences.
A new friend told me about being a hospice volunteer, and I quickly knew I had found where I belonged. I loved the interactions with patients and their loved ones. Shortly after starting the volunteer work, a Jungian analyst associate told me about death doulas. I did some research, liked what I learned, and signed up with INELDA for the October 2018 training. It was one of my better later-in-life decisions. I think my years of experience as a clinician and knowing how to engage with people in a variety of circumstances enable me to be present and available for people as this part of their journey ends.
How long have you been doing this type of work? I see my work as an end-of-life doula [EOLD] as an extension of my years as a psychotherapist. So in a way, I have been doing this type of work most of my adult life. Much of my work as a therapist involved treating people with trauma. And if there is trauma, there is always grief that must be addressed. I think grief is a major aspect of EOLD work, both the anticipatory grief before the death and the grief following the death.
What type of environment do you work in? The work of an EOLD has not yet gained acceptance in the Coachella Valley. The medical director of the hospice where I volunteer is open to it and will refer patients to me in my capacity as a volunteer. However, the hospice staff is hesitant. I think they feel a little vulnerable and threatened; only time will lessen these feelings.
I have written five or six articles about EOLD work for the local newspaper, co-host a monthly Death Cafe, host a Circle of Remembrance every two months, conduct a meditation group at a senior center, host a grief group for the Parkinson’s center, and have spoken to groups. This has had little impact on the community’s acceptance of EOLD work as a meaningful service.
What do you do before you meet with a new client? I take a deep breath, clear my head as much as possible from the usual brain clutter, and prepare to both listen and be present.
Can you share a short anecdote or insight that changed you? I hope that I learn, grow and change every day. Each interaction and exchange I have with another person has the potential for change and growth. I visited a hospice patient who was a minister and his family weekly for over a year. He called me his friend. One morning he told me that God had visited him earlier that day. He died that afternoon. I have done a lot of research on the aspect of people seeing, hearing, and talking to people just before death, as well as being with people who have had that experience. My thinking has changed dramatically about what happens after this part of our journey is over. My adult life was spent thinking there was no afterlife. You died and that was it. I looked to different religions to no avail. There had been a lot of death around me since childhood; that still did not change my thinking. I now wonder what I missed!
The change first began in my work with a Jungian analyst and budding thinking about the soul. A presentation by Eben Alexander and his book Proof of Heaven led me to other authors—Robert A. Johnson, Pim van Lommel, Christopher Kerr, Ram Dass, and others. A friend who shared my previous views was at a Death Cafe I was co-hosting. I used the word “passed” instead of “had died.” He immediately picked up on that, wondering if I had changed my thinking. He was disappointed by my answer.
What does come next? The collective consciousness, awareness, pure love, and everlasting beauty. I don’t know, but whatever it turns out to be there is nothing to fear. I think it may even be worth looking forward to.
Who has been one of your teachers or mentors? I have had different mentors at different stages of my professional and personal development. When I think of who has inspired me in my EOLD work I think of Amy Wright Glenn, Sarah Kerr, and Nicole Heidbreder. I am certain I will continue to learn from them over time as I expand my knowledge and awareness.
One thing I do when I end my contact with a patient and/or family is write a poem about my experience with them. Be clear that I am not a poet, but I have a mentor who is and he helps me to put my words, thoughts, and feelings into poetic lines. Here is an example:
Dementia
the tv is on
it seems irrelevant
he sits with his head down
staring blankly
he looks up
and peers at me
I smile and say hi
and call him by his name
there is no response
he returns to his world
the dogs lay quietly
trying to understand
if you look into their eyes
they already know
he is here
and he is gone
What do you wish you had known when you started as a doula? I wish I had been more in touch with how our society is so out of touch with death and grief—and how this had shaped my reactions to death and grief. Having that knowledge would not have sent me down a different path, but I think I would have been better prepared for responding to the resistance around these subjects.
Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow doulas? Keep learning, keep listening, keep reading, and keep cultivating your tenderness.
What is your dream for your practice or doulas in general? I want to spread the word about the service that EOLDs provide, to keep working on making it OK to talk about death and grief, and to continue the harp lessons I recently started so that I will be able to play for patients at appropriate times.
Contact Glendon
Email: [email protected] \\ Website: End of Life Doula PS \\ Facebook: @glendon.geik.5
The opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of INELDA or its staff.