How long have you been doing this type of work?

 I’ve been doing this since I completed INELDA training four years ago (with a yearlong pause during COVID). I immediately began volunteering with hospice to get some experience on the ground level, and built from there. I’ve worked with three hospices over the years and also get occasional inquiries from people in my community. 

What type of environment do you work in?

 I currently volunteer in a local hospice’s inpatient unit weekly, and serve in a doula capacity in whatever way the opportunity presents (from holding bedside presence during active dying to having a life review–type conversation). In my independent doula work, I find that people like virtual introductions on Zoom and from there, I can go to the client’s home when needed.

What do you do before you meet with a new client?

I get my questions for them in order, and those are based on what the inquiring person has told me via email. Structuring that hourlong virtual intro with questions that will give you a good picture of each situation is helpful. And before each meeting I take a minute to clear my mind, breathe, and center myself. To really hold the situation in reverence—and take that with me into the call.

Can you share a short anecdote or insight that changed you?

I had a client who was given just one month to live, and we were talking about what she might want to do with that month (and what she realistically could do) and she said, “My first instinct is to say travel—go on a trip somewhere—but what’s the point of travel if I won’t have the memories to look back on?” That sentiment really struck me because I had never taken that perspective.

Who has been one of your teachers or mentors?

I plead guilty to being a TikTok fan, and it’s a surprisingly great place to see content from doulas, hospice nurses, and even dying people documenting their journey. I have very much appreciated content from Hospice Nurse Julie (username is HospiceNurseJulie on TikTok). Lately she’s been doing informational videos that talk about what the road to death looks like for people with various diseases (symptoms, etc.). Nurse Penny is another TikToker worth following. In person, a woman I am friends with here in Durham who offers green burial services has been a big inspiration to me. She is constantly engaging in advocacy work and actively pushing that green burial movement forward with her own time and organizational efforts, and it’s impressive to see.

What do you wish you had known when you started as a doula?

 I think a fair amount of people who complete doula training, or who are thinking about it, expect to start immediately running a doula practice and have it be their full-time calling. And they get disheartened when they realize how many people still don’t know what a death doula is. They want to know why the phone isn’t ringing. At least where I live, we are very much in the public education and advocacy phase. I see momentum happening and I do get more inquiries now than I did two years ago, but this is a slow burn kind of field. It took me a good while to build my website, get business cards and pamphlets printed. You have to be all initiative. My other “wish I’d known” is that there are going to be uncomfortable moments. Doulas have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable sometimes. 

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow doulas?

If you feel like it’s slowgoing, know that things are starting to change. I meet more people today who know what a death doula is than I would have four years ago (though we still need to build more awareness). Doulas are getting media attention. Universities are contacting us for studies. Things are happening, so hang in there. In the meantime, find opportunities to talk about this work at panels, events, etc. It’s important to do your part in bringing death doulas into the mainstream.

What is your dream for your practice or doulas in general?

I’d love to form a regional collective. I have a totally unrelated full-time job, and I’d like to get to a place where I can do this part-time with other doulas, but I think that’s a few years off. Eventually, I could see establishing that collective as a nonprofit and apply for grants to bring end-of-life doula services to in-need communities here. That’s definitely a dream, but also a much bigger lift than I can manage right now as a working mom!