When and why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula?  

I decided to explore becoming an end-of-life doula in 2022, but the journey started in 2017. I just didn’t know it at the time.

Like a lot of folks who find themselves diving into the end-of-life doula realm, I had a life experience—more like a series of them. The first crossroad was when my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and her medical team gave her three months to live. She lived in Wisconsin and I lived in New England. I realized getting on a plane to see her a couple weeks after her diagnosis that I had no skills to support one of the most important people in my life and wondered how I got to be so old without these skills (I was in my early 50s). Turns out everyone in my family had died instantly and no one had navigated a life-limiting or terminal illness—so while I was comforted by that fact, it still didn’t help me right then. I scrambled to figure out how to support her from a distance over the next nine months before she died.

It was not her death that led me to exploring becoming an end-of-life doula—in fact, she was brilliant in her dying with so much clarity—but the resistance my dad and sister had at dealing with death, especially when my dad’s health started to change. My sister is his health care proxy. She and he want nothing to do with talking about end-of-life issues—any of them. I tried many strategies over the years to crack the code and figure out how to connect with my dad about what is important to him as his health is changing, with no success. It was early in 2022 that I realized I needed better skills, and that was when I learned there was such a thing as a death doula.

What is your pathway to practicing as a doula?

After becoming a hospice volunteer and end-of-life doula in 2022, I went out into my community to support individuals and families navigating dying and realized very quickly my family was not unique. In fact, most of the people were in denial and woefully unprepared on so many levels. Leading up to taking the hospice and EOLD training I attended a bunch of Death Cafes and was wondering where everyone was. Where was my generation, my daughter’s generation (30s)? Where was everyone, and where do people go to explore dying and death before a life-limiting diagnosis or sudden death outside of a medical facility or funeral home that is secular?

It was then that I was tugging on the idea of forming a “social club”—a real club—to talk about death, where everyone is welcome and where we’ll explore these topics in community, not in hushed voices or behind closed doors. So I decided to form the Pre-Dead Social Club (PDSC) in 2023 as a test to see if anyone would show up. Turns out I was not the only one interested in this idea. As of April 2025, two short years from forming the PDSC, we’ve met over 700 people in person who attended our events and participated in the programs we’ve developed.

I felt my talents were better put to use “upstream”—getting people more prepared, gaining more clarity and confidence for when, not if. This is my “pathway to practice.” I take on one to two EOL clients a year but focus primarily on the upstream activities and engagement.

What type of environment do you work in?

I’m primarily in the community, hosting events, facilitating roundtables. When I do work individually with clients, it’s in their homes.

What do you do before you meet with a new client?

We typically have had some type of phone or brief in-person interaction so I have a sense of where they are at. If I know what their diagnosis is, I do a little research to understand that illness. Our first meeting typically entails me sharing my “Good to Go” folder with them and asking them to review to see where they believe they need support. I keep it open-ended and let them know that not everything in the “Good to Go” folder is a service I provide, but I will endeavor to connect with people who do and provide them with options.

Can you share a short anecdote or insight that changed you?

I first learned about death doulas from Kat Wright. She’s a singer-songwriter and came to perform in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, early in 2022 from Vermont. She shared with the audience that during COVID she took a course at University of Vermont on becoming a death doula. We chatted after the show and it was that stage story that first opened up this world to me. I was actually sitting next to a primary care doctor friend of mine and I said, “I think I’m going to explore becoming a death doula.” My doctor friend was shocked but also learned that she, like many doctors, does not like to talk about death. I learned a lot that one evening.

Who has been one of your teachers or mentors?

While this might sound trite–it is both of my parents. My mom taught me how to die on her terms, with clarity and at times wavering confidence, as she was navigating a horrible illness. My dad has shown me the opposite side of the spectrum. It’s easy to talk to people who want to discuss EOL, but the real work is in engaging with those who do not and tapping into the vastness of creativity to crack the code and figure out what, if anything, can bridge a conversation forward. I’m happy to say that now my dad sends me articles on hospice, death, and all the things. We talk in small bursts, and he allows me to support him on his EOL journey. I think we are both mentoring each other.

What do you wish you had known when you started as a doula?

I feel like I had my eyes wide open going into this, given the conversations I had with friends in the medical and EOL fields. I had no illusions on how easy or hard it would be to connect with clients. I have also been an entrepreneur or worked for start-up companies all my life, so “starting” something new wasn’t foreign to me. I knew it would require a lot of effort and consistency.

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow doulas?

Make yourself known to your friends, your community -at -large, and those in the death trades in your area. Get involved somewhere so people get to know you, and don’t be afraid to charge for your services.

What is your vision for your practice?

My dream is to provide a well-respected, sought-after platform for EOLDs to participate in via the Pre-Dead Social Club model. Additionally, the business in the death trade will want to collaborate with us or sponsor our work as we work together to address the gaps of care and make progress upstream so that by the time individuals and their families reach them, they are not having these important discussions for the first time—when they feel their worst and are the most stressed. I’d like to think in 2025 I can share that we’ve made notable progress in that “dream”.