When and why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula?

I do this death doula work in honor of my mom, who died in 2012. She spent her last five days on hospice service. I found her death in that place to be a profound, sacred, and momentous experience. 

Then the Universe sent me an insight. The message was that by the time I encountered a person being admitted to our hospice service, it was usually too late. Too late to have an opportunity to empower the dying person or their loved ones to minimize the suffering from the EOL journey and death. I realized I needed to catch folks “way upstream” of our hospice service. So out of that, Sunset Companions was formed.

How long have you been doing this type of work?

I became a hospice volunteer in July of 2013. It was only a couple years ago that I realized that my real calling was as an EOLD. My partner, Annie Wilson, and I began offering support in November 2019. I took my INELDA training in June 2020.

What type of environment do you work in?

I will go wherever there is a need and with the preference of my client, virtual or in person. 

What do you do before you meet with a new client?

I research everything I can on the prospect: Google name search, LinkedIn, other social media.

Can you share a short anecdote or insight that changed you?

I read Die Wise: A Manifesto for Sanity and Soul by Stephen Jenkinson. He shifted my paradigm about the EOL experience.

Who has been one of your teachers or mentors?

INELDA educator Shelby Kirillin.

What do you wish you had known when you started as a doula?

Two important lessons I learned: First, it is all about relationship building. Relationship building comes from networking face-to-face, preferably in person, with virtual contact a close second. Secondly, do not advertise, pay for ads, print, virtual or otherwise. That may be a good tactic for later, after you have built up a referral network. However, it may not be needed after you have that network!

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow doulas?

Patience.

Figure out and follow your calling. By “calling,” I mean what you are called by the Universe to do in our EOLD realm. For example, I spent a lot of time at the bedside. In the past year or so, I realized that my first choice for my service is in planning, because it’s in the up-front planning that the greatest impact is possible. Empowering people to change the dialogue, to change the journey that they will have at the end of their life. To create a journey that their survivors will remember as sacred. And that the survivors will use as a model for their own EOL journey. 

The scope of our work is vast: encouraging people to have a conversation that matters (using The Conversation Project), planning for end-of-life wishes, staffing vigils, and empowering people to cope with loss and grief. Consider this advice from Andrew Carnegie: “‘Don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ is all wrong. I tell you, ‘put all your eggs in one basket, and then watch that basket.’” Meaning, figure out your calling, focus on that, then collaborate with others who can provide other aspects of what we collectively do.

Build your infrastructure. Start with the basics, meaning practice name, logo, business cards, dedicated phone number, and email address. Then your website, then keep building from there.

“Because I have given up helping, I am people’s greatest help.” Source: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao by Wayne Dyer, his interpretation of the Tao Te Ching, verse 78, “Living Like Water.” 

This quote by Sufi teacher Inayat Khan about teaching always resonated for me. “I have had it wrong about what a teacher does: It is not that a Murshid [Arabic for guide or teacher] gives his knowledge to someone else. It is not possible to give one’s knowledge that way, so the Murshid does not profess to be able to do this or that. His work is to help another person to find out for himself, to discover for himself what is true and what is not. There are no doctrines to impart, there are no principles to lay down, and there are no tenets according to which his pupils must order their lives. The Murshid is just a guide along the path. He/she is the one who kindles the light that is already in the pupil.” 

Patience. Persistence. Like displayed in the movie Secretariat from Disney.

What is your dream for your practice or doulas in general?

Bring a No One Dies Alone program to life for Philadelphia.

Collaborate with many other EOLDs to bring others’ passion to our community.

I want to bring together practitioners who do not like marketing with folks who need what we do. Like a matchmaker.

I hope to create an upward spiral in our cultural EOL experience, from suffering to sacred. Both by community education, and one person at a time.