Doula’s Guide to Catholic Rituals at End of Life
by Cheryl Tyiska
*Editor’s note: This is part of a series INELDA is sharing on end-of-life rituals of different religions to help inform and educate doulas on the many practices of different faiths.
Who Is a Catholic?
All people who have ever received the sacrament of baptism in the Catholic Church are Catholic, even if they no longer practice the faith. A person can be baptized at any time during their lifetime. Those who receive the additional sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and confirmation are “fully initiated” into the Catholic Church. Those baptized in another Christian faith tradition may become Catholic by receiving faith formation education and making a profession of faith. Those never baptized can become Catholic after attending a faith formation program known as RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) and receiving the sacraments of baptism, Holy Communion, and confirmation.
"It is common for friends and parishioners to visit briefly to say their good-byes."
Before Death
When Catholics receive a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness or are approaching old age, they may experience some distress and concern, as will their loved ones. The teaching and traditions of the Catholic Church offer consolation and solace that can be deeply comforting with respect to life and death. Just as the church offers rituals and support throughout one’s life, from birth to initiation into the church to marriage or holy orders to the anointing of the sick, the church provides structure to confront the end of life.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church (#1020) teaches that:
“The Christian who unites his own death to that of Jesus views it as a step towards him and an entrance into everlasting life. When the Church for the last time speaks Christ’s words of pardon and absolution over the dying Christian, seals him for the last time with a strengthening anointing, and gives him Christ in viaticum as nourishment for the journey, she speaks with gentle assurance:
Go forth, Christian soul, from this world in the name of God the almighty Father, who created you, in the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God, who suffered for you, in the name of the Holy Spirit, who was poured out upon you. Go forth, faithful Christian!
May you live in peace this day, may your home be with God in Zion, with Mary, the virgin Mother of God, with Joseph, and all the angels and saints….
May you return to [your Creator] who formed you from the dust of the earth. May holy Mary, the angels, and all the saints come to meet you as you go forth from this life….
May you see your Redeemer face to face.”
Practical Help
If the dying person and family members have not already done so, this is a good time to engage in whatever level of advance planning is needed. This includes preparing legal documents, arranging for the care of children or other dependents, deciding what to do with personal belongings, etc.
Many parishes offer practical assistance to sick and dying members, such as transportation to medical appointments and help with shopping and housekeeping. Volunteers can offer respite to tired family members. The names of ill people can be added to the parish’s sick list, which is usually published in the weekly bulletin so that members of the parish will know to pray for them.
Spiritual Help
It is never too early (or too late) to speak to a priest. Ill or dying people and their loved ones need only reach out to their nearest parish priest for guidance. Pastoral care is provided directly, but it is offered on behalf of the whole community of faith, reminding those who are suffering that they are not alone. If they have not been actively practicing the faith, they will always be welcome back. To find nearby Catholic parishes one can search by ZIP code at this site.
Even if there is no one at their bedside at the moment of death, Catholics know they are never alone. This is where the concept of the “communion of saints” enters the picture, as discussed in a 2014 article from U.S. Catholic.
“The communion of saints encompasses not only all believers in Christ, but, according to many scholars, all those of truth and love, in whom the Spirit is at work. This includes those on earth, those still journeying to God in the purification process Catholics call purgatory, and those who now abide in God…. Together we all make up the church, the body of Christ.
The best thing about the communion of saints is that it connects us all—because we are one body. When we celebrate the Eucharist, we pray with all those who have gone before us. We living can pray for the dead, ‘the souls in purgatory,’ who need prayers on their journey to God. The multitude in heaven pray for the rest of us, inspire us by their example, and remain present to us in ways of which we know not. ‘I will spend my heaven doing good on earth,’ said St. Thérèse of Lisieux before her death.
So we are bound, in some marvelous, inexplicable way, to those who’ve gone before us. Boston College’s Father Michael Himes has written that being part of a long tradition frees us from being merely people of our own age—we can converse with our ancestors, with Mozart and Teresa of Ávila, Dante and Madame Curie, Euclid and Jane Austen. ‘In the Catholic tradition,’ he says, ‘we call this the communion of saints.’ ”
As long as ill people are able, they may receive the sacraments at church. A sacrament is a ritual that imparts special graces on those who receive them. Once Catholics become too ill to attend church services, the sacraments may be offered to them in their home or in a health care setting. Home visits can be arranged with a priest, deacon, or lay minister. Most hospitals, hospices, and residential health care settings also have chaplaincy services that offer bedside visits, prayers, and Holy Communion.
The important rituals that are commonly offered to the sick and dying are the sacrament of reconciliation, the apostolic pardon, anointing of the sick, and viaticum.
The sacrament of reconciliation (also known as penance or confession) is a sacrament that provides absolution (forgiveness) for the dying person’s sins. A sin is an act or a failure to act that causes a disruption in one’s relationship with God. Reconciliation restores the relationship. This sacrament can only be performed by a Catholic priest. It is often done before Holy Communion (or viaticum). If possible, the person can perform an examination of conscience before receiving the sacrament, which is a prayerful review of one’s thoughts, words, and deeds, and one’s actions toward others. Forgiveness is a mercy, a gift from God for those who wish to be close to him.
At the conclusion of the sacrament of reconciliation, the priest may give what is called an apostolic pardon (also known as an apostolic blessing) to the dying person using the words: “May God open to you the gates of paradise and welcome you to everlasting joy.”
Anointing of the sick can be performed multiple times if needed, particularly at the time of a diagnosis, before major surgery, or when health conditions deteriorate. A priest places blessed oil on the person’s forehead and hands and says ritual prayers. (Many parishes have healing Masses where the sick are anointed.) The prayer is that the sick person will be healed, but in instances where that is unlikely barring a miracle, the anointing is to help the person find strength and bear suffering in unity with the suffering of Jesus Christ. Most Catholics experience a sense of spiritual peace from this anointing, which can also help alleviate some degree of emotional anxiety.
Viaticum is a Latin term which means “food for the journey,” and it is often the very last time that a Catholic will receive Holy Communion. Viaticum should be offered near the point of death but hopefully early enough that the person is still able to consume Holy Communion. Whenever possible, it is preferable to receive viaticum at a Mass, which a priest can celebrate at the person’s bedside (if feasible). For the dying, this is a form of spiritual nourishment and can be received multiple times. If the dying person can no longer consume food, he or she may consume the consecrated wine only. In some cases, the person may not be able to receive either, perhaps due to delirium or unconsciousness. In those instances, the priest and family pray for the person. (See Pastoral Care of the Sick: Rites of Anointing and Viaticum, International Commission on English in the Liturgy.)
During Active Dying Period
When a person is actively dying, he or she can continue to receive the sacraments as long as possible. When a person can no longer swallow, it is not safe to offer Holy Communion. But clergy, lay ministers, and family and friends can continue to say prayers for the person. It is common for friends and parishioners to visit briefly to say their good-byes. Beautiful music can be soothing, as can scents such as lavender, and physically touching the dying person can be calming. Loved ones keeping vigil at the bedside are encouraged to take breaks and to rest. It is not uncommon for the dying person to die once loved ones have left the room for a moment. Prayers can be said at the time of death, recognizing the sacredness of the moment.
After Death
A variety of parish programs run by lay ministers (non-clergy) can step in to help after a death. These include, but are not limited to, Stephen’s Ministry, Martha’s Ministry, Arimatheans, and grief and bereavement counselors. Friends and parishioners can also provide practical support.
From the moment of death, the body of the deceased person is to be respected. The church teaches that the deceased body in all its forms be treated with prayerful reverence and great dignity in recognition of its glorious future.
Since 1963, the church has allowed cremation of the body, providing that family members are not doing so because they fear the body has no future together in Christ with the immortal soul. The church requires that cremated remains be placed in a respectful vessel and treated with the same respect that a family would treat a body in a casket. Since the human body has an eternal destiny in any form, the church desires that cremated remains be buried or entombed after the funeral in a reasonable, timely manner.
Effective December 9, 2023, the Church announced more relaxation of the guidelines for cremations. The new changes do not change the foundational teachings of the Church about the dignity of the human person. However, they make two important changes to the guidelines on how cremated remains can be handled. First, cremated human remains may be commingled (mixed together) in a defined and permanent sacred place, and second, a family may request to keep a minimal part of the remains in a place of significance for the history of the deceased person. That that means a sacred space (not the closet or on a bookshelf). Scattering of cremated human remains is still not permitted.
Many Catholic cemeteries bury the remains of miscarried and stillborn babies at little or no cost.
“The Church calls each member of Christ’s Body—priest, deacon, layperson—to participate in the ministry of consolation: to care for the dying, to pray for the dead, to comfort those who mourn.”
—Order of Christian Funerals, #8
The funeral rites of the Catholic Church provide an environment for healthy grieving, but also for giving thanks for the life of the person who has died and helping to usher that person into the presence of God, with the companionship of the entire community of faithful believers.
Order of Christian Funerals is the formal book of ritual prayers of the church. The OCF describes the three rites most common after a Catholic has died, which are sometimes modified slightly based on cultural or ethnic norms.
The vigil (“wake”) usually occurs after death and before the funeral. Prayers may be said beginning at the bedside, in the presence of the deceased loved one’s body, and may continue intermittently until the funeral. The vigil may be at a home, a funeral home, or in a church, and may be held in conjunction with a viewing of the body. The vigil provides an appropriate place for loved ones and friends to comfort one another, share stories and warm words of remembrance about the one who has died, and to say communal prayers such as the rosary.
The funeral liturgy is part of a Mass and is the primary celebration for the one who has died, commending the soul to the care and mercy of a loving God, and should be held when as many as possible in the Christian community can be present. It is common for a priest or a loved one to say a few words about the person who has died, but Catholics generally do not do a eulogy or read an obituary at Mass. Those personal remembrances occur best and most meaningfully during the time of vigil.
The rite of committal is the final act of the community of faith in caring for the body or cremated remains of its loved ones. The committal service is usually held at the site of committal; that is, beside the grave, the crypt, or the cremation niche. It is common for families to have a shared meal after the committal service.
Pallbearers may be family members or friends who carry the casket from the church to the hearse, and from the hearse to the burial site. This is a role of honor, as the pallbearers are taking loved ones on their final walk on earth.
The funeral Pall is a cloth that is draped over the casket by family members, friends, or others at the beginning of the Mass. The Pall is a reminder of the garment (new life) we all receive at baptism and symbolizes our life in Christ.
A symbol of the Christian life may be carried in the funeral procession by a family member or friend and placed on the casket or urn at the end of the entrance procession. The symbol may be a Bible, a cross, or another suitable symbol, and often the priest will recite a prayer to accompany the placing of the symbol.
The readings for the Mass usually include two readings, a responsorial psalm, a Gospel acclamation, and the Holy Gospel. The family should talk with the priest who will be celebrating the Mass to confirm the readings for the Mass. Many families will invite family members or friends to be readers at the service. Readers should be told in advance which readings they will be doing so they can prepare.
Music is an important part of any Mass. Only liturgical music should be used. The family may want to consider whether they will want a cantor (who leads the community in singing), a soloist, and any musicians. The priest can recommend members of the church choir or others who routinely sing and play instruments for the parish.
The family may want to have members of the family or friends present the gifts at Mass, which involves bringing the unconsecrated bread and wine to the altar.
Words of remembrance may be offered briefly at Mass before the final commendation begins. These words are not a typical eulogy but are meant to express appreciation for the life of the one who has died, or they may be a prayer or other inspirational reading. Remember, the more proper place for a eulogy is at the vigil or following the rite of committal at the cemetery. Words of remembrance at the Mass should be brief and should be in writing since it may be difficult for the reader during such an emotional time. The priest can review the words of remembrance in advance and offer guidance.
Flowers will often be present during the three ritual services of a Catholic funeral, although it is common for family members to request that donations be made to a charitable organization instead. If the funeral is held during the liturgical season of Lent, flowers are not used in the church.
Many families will want to prepare a funeral program that can act as a worship aid. The program can also contain a photo and a brief biography of the person who has died. Some families prefer to make their own program. In that case, it will be useful to have the priest review the program before it is copied. Some funeral homes will also assist families in creating a program, although there may be a cost.
Each Mass that is celebrated has a “Mass intention” attached to it. After someone has died, it is common for family and friends to have Masses said in memory of their beloved dead. The name of the deceased person and the specific Mass that is being offered in that person’s memory is usually listed in the weekly parish bulletin. Family members wishing to have one or more Masses said for their loved ones simply need to contact the parish office and speak to the staff or priest.
Likewise, it is common for families and parish communities to continue to pray for someone who has died. This is important because Catholics believe in an afterlife … for eternity. And because the living and the dead are all connected (yes, that communion of saints again), we continue to pray for each other and to nourish that ongoing connection. Some may be heartfelt personal prayers, and others may be ritual prayers, such as the rosary. One of the most well-known prayers that is said during formal services or in private is simply:
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May their souls and all the souls of the
faithful departed, through the mercy
of God, rest in peace. Amen.
Other prayers may be lengthier. A novena, for example, is a series of prayers said over the course of nine days. Prayers are also common on anniversaries of birth, death, marriage, and other important milestones.
Prayerful visits to the cemetery after the burial can provide comfort and an ongoing assurance of the church’s hope in the resurrection of the dead. Catholic cemeteries regularly celebrate Masses for the souls of the faithful departed buried there, as well as Masses on Memorial Day, the Feast of Our Lady of Sorrows, and the Commemoration of All Souls and special prayer services such as Good Friday Stations of the Cross. Every day, family members experience the peace and comfort that comes from visiting sacred grounds, the resting place of their loved ones. Praying for the living and the dead is considered to be one of the seven spiritual works of mercy, which is why it is normal and natural to see people walking through Catholic cemeteries in prayer.
A few other common prayers:
Nunc dimittis (Canticle of Simeon, Luke 2:29-32. Gospel reading is often read every evening as part of Night Prayer in the Liturgy of the Hours.)
Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake;
watch over us as we sleep,
that awake we may keep watch with Christ,
and asleep, rest in His peace (alleluia).
Lord, now let Your servant go in peace;
according to Your word:
for my eyes have seen Your salvation
which You have prepared in the presence of all
peoples: a light for revelation to the Gentiles
and for glory to Your people Israel. (Luke 2:29–32)
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake;
watch over us as we sleep,
that awake we may keep watch with Christ,
and asleep, rest in His peace (alleluia).
AUTHOR BIO
Cheryl Tyiska is a certified Catholic cemetery executive (CCCE) with over 10 years of experience managing cemeteries and an INELDA-trained doula, and she has an extensive background in victimology, specializing in working with survivors of traumatic deaths and mass casualty incidents. She also has experience in curriculum development, training, and technical assistance.