Media of the Month
by Loren Talbot
Modern Loss
Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birkner just get it. Both women had experienced the unexpected loss of a parent at a relatively young age. Those deaths led to another unexpected event: the intentional creation of a space where they could connect with other people who “just got it.”
That connection first took the form of a monthly dinner party called WWDP (Women with Dead Parents), a judgment-free environment offering mutual understanding. They soon wanted to re-create the sincere openness they’d found over cake and conversation, but in a space where more voices could be heard and represented. The result: their website, Modern Loss, also now available as a subscriber newsletter on Substack, an online platform that allows for “Candid conversation and community on the long arc of loss and resilience.”
The site is organized by Types of Loss, Hot Topics, and Advice. The personal stories categorized in the Types of Loss section, searchable by human connection, allow us access into the complicated emotional journey following the death of someone close. Do you want to read about the loss of a mother, a friend, a child, a miscarriage? All are addressed and represented by multiple voices. The writers on Modern Loss are experienced, widely published, and willing to share radically different experiences of processing someone’s life. The unique stories are insightful, humorous, heartfelt, and real. Experiences once considered off limits here illustrate how others transverse the periods not just immediately following important deaths, but many years after.
Parenting, travel, holidays, and even TV and movies are some of the subjects covered in the Hot Topics section. These stories offer up insights such as what to feed mourners and how to care for oneself when triggered by a celebrity death. The pieces are relatable and share insights into how death can affect more general areas of our lives.
Articles on topics such as how we handle death anniversaries and returning to work when everything feels mundane can help end-of-life doulas better serve their clients. Through the site’s empathetic writing, users can glean important, varied insights on end-of-life experiences that may differ from what they themselves may have experienced. The advice section is just that: how to handle the many different situations one is called to when dealing with loss. Similarly, this section’s library addresses specific questions and offers how-to approaches on end-of-life issues.
In 2018, Rebecca and Gabrielle wrote Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief. Beginners Welcome, a sincere and funny book that The New York Times referred to as “moving, emotional, and oftentimes funny essays about how grief can enter and change your life.” The timeless essays in the book and on the site help people learn to live fully after navigating a death, while also bringing important issues within reach for those of us who work with the dying and their loved ones.