MARCH 2024

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MARCH 2024

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Is the “Good Death” a Good Idea?

Op-ed by Michele Bograd, EOLD

“It is hard to have a good death when one is in terror. I saw many good deaths in hospice where both patients and their families were ready and death occurred gently, and I also met people who felt they were failing at their own deaths; some who didn’t feel ready to die, others who felt frightened and unprepared. There were many times I, too, felt frightened and unprepared in the face of a difficult death. Some deaths are tame, others are feral: wild and unpredictable.” —Eve Joseph, In The Slender Margin: The Intimate Strangeness of Death and Dying

The good death. This is an idea that I grapple with as an end-of-life doula. Why? Because I have accompanied people who fear they are not dying well, witnessed deaths that are not “good,” and tried to provide solace to family members racked with regret that their loved one did not die “better.”

doula Profile
Greg Brown
Greg is an end-of-life doula living in Columbus, Ohio. In his private doula practice, Armonia Maxima, LLC, he particularly welcomes opportunities to meet the needs of LGBTQIA2S+ clients and others whose support systems and family/friend networks are atypical. Trained by INELDA in 2019, Greg currently serves as an instructor for University of Vermont’s End-of-Life Doula Professional Certificate Program, where from 2020 to 2022, he also served as a StoryListening doula interventionist for the Vermont Conversation Lab.
Q&A with Greg
When and why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula?
In 2016, my dear friend Lisa received a shock diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. We were good friends, but the only reason I was with her when she received the news was because her future wife was out of the country, and her best friend was also traveling. The inartfully delivered prognosis hit us like a ton of bricks. I dropped to my knees beside her and hugged her, but I couldn’t think of any words to say. I excused myself to use the restroom, and on the way back to Lisa’s room, I stopped at the nurse’s station to request that a chaplain come by to offer comfort.

UPCOMING EVENTS

INELDA Discovery Call - Becoming an EOL Doula - March 19

Discovery Call: Becoming an End-of-Life Doula

March 19 | WED 7-8:30pm ET

Learn about INELDA’s End-of-Life Doula Training and our approach to supporting the dying and their loved ones. This discovery call is an opportunity to hear about the topics covered during our training and how we facilitate a supportive and experiential learning environment. INELDA educator Shelby Kirillin will share our approach and answer any questions about becoming an end-of-life doula. Calls are open to all, but registration is required due to capacity. | REGISTER

Mapping Emotions Workshop

March 28 | THU 6:30-9:30pm ET

This workshop, led by Wilka Roig, helps you explore your human responses to areas of importance, name the visceral emotions, and tease out their meaning. We will practice discerning, processing, and managing our emotions and feelings using an interactive guided imagery technique. | REGISTER

INELDA End-of-Life Doula Training - April 12-14

•INTENSIVE• End-of-Life Doula Training

April 12-14 | FRI 6-10pm, SAT & SUN 10am-7pm ET

This ONLINE doula training is for those who intend to serve the dying independently, as part of a hospice program, in a hospital or care facility, through a community program, or in a doula collective. Topics include models of care, deep active listening, ritual and ceremonies, vigil planning, and more. Training is open to all, and will meet for three sessions from Friday thru Sunday. Limited to 40 individuals. Click to see the full schedule | REGISTER

MEDIA OF THE MONTH

Stand By Me

by Allison Applebaum

Allison J. Applebaum, PhD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in psycho-oncology, the field devoted to supporting the mental health of all individuals affected by cancer. She is an associate attending psychologist in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center (MSK) and an associate professor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City. READ EXCERPT

Welcome Mina Devadas, Development Advisor and End-of-Life Doula

by INELDA

My path to becoming an end-of-life doula, hospice volunteer, and my present role with INELDA, development advisor, began some years ago with the sudden illness and death of my beloved husband, John, from stomach cancer at the age of 54. Given the initial prognosis that he had less than one year to live, my “proto-doula experience” was honed as we quickly shifted focus to the things that were most important to him. We filled each day, each hour, with love, purpose, and meaning. As it turned out, John had fewer than 12 weeks left to live.

Over the course of his treatments, hospitalizations, and inpatient hospice care, John and I were struck by how many people had to navigate serious illnesses and dying alone. Perhaps it was from hope or magical thinking that we dreamed together of volunteering to support them when he felt better. Following John’s death, compelled by our profound journey, I began considering how I might bring together my arts background, career in the nonprofit sector, and personal experiences to help others live and die more intentionally and with greater comfort, meaning, and peace of mind. To that end, I pursued training with INELDA and the hospice that supported John.

INELDA UPDATE
NIELSEN PROVIDES DOULA BENEFITS
INELDA is honored to announce its new partnership with Nielsen. As of 2024, a new employee benefit—which allows up to $2,500 to be used for reimbursement for end-of-life doula services—is being offered to all Nielsen employees. READ MORE
VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES
CLICK HERE for details about opportunities in these locations: Western and Central, Massachusetts Snohomish County, Washington Multnomah County, Oregon

MADISON COUNTY RURAL HEALTH COUNCIL
The Madison County Rural Health Council (MCRHC), a nonprofit organization in Cazenovia, New York, has received funding from Excellus BlueCross BlueShield to provide end-of-life doula services to the residents of Madison and Oneida counties. MCRHC has partnered with INELDA to provide education to the selected community cohort. READ MORE

LEAVE US A GOOGLE REVIEW
Because you are a valued member of our INELDA community, your feedback has invaluable significance for us. We genuinely appreciate the time and dedication you’ve invested in your training with us. If your experience with INELDA has been positive and fulfilling, we kindly ask for your support in spreading the word. READ MORE	LEAVE A REVIEW

IN THE NEWS
National Geographic has published an article featuring educator Shelby Kirillin, executive director Douglas Simpson, and other doulas throughout the community who speak about the support doulas provide. Fox News opinion writer Carol Roth spoke with Loren Talbot, INELDA’s director of communications and partnerships, about the techniques used in approaching end-of-life conversations. Last month, The Boston Globe featured Kris Kington-Barker, INELDA’s director of outreach and care provider programs, in an article titled “What is a good death? End-of-life doulas help the dying have one.”

INELDA’S MARCH WEBINAR
Monthly Webinar

Expanding Understanding of Jewish Rituals at the End of Life
March 27 \| WED 7-8:30pm ET
INELDA’s March webinar will explore the deep traditions of Jewish ritual at end of life. We welcome guests Karina Totah and Sarit Wishnevski, who have both trained with INELDA and are leaders in Jewish deathcare organizations. Karina is a strategy consultant and leadership coach through her company, Nevit. She serves as a doula in palliative care departments and hospices, sits on the board of Shomer Collective, and is a singer with Threshold Choir. Sarit is the executive director of Kavod v’Nichum. Prior to joining the organization, Sarit produced a podcast and a newsletter called The Be.Side Project, which explored where Judaism intersects with the end of life.
INELDA director of outreach and care provider programs Kris Kington-Barker will moderate the conversation, guiding our guests and attendees to share an understanding of these rituals and how they are integrated into practice at end of life. Don’t forget, our April webinar will be available to all INELDA members. Make sure to check our event schedule for details!
Cost: Free with INELDA Tier 2 & 3 membership \| Tier 1 and Non-members $15

PRACTICE CORNER

TOOLBOX TIPS

Showing up as a doula for someone who has experienced sudden death utilizes many of the skills you would use when working with someone who knows they are going to die. It requires you to be present with the individual or group in front of you. You can lead with a supportive presence and employ deep active listening. I often ask those mourning to tell me about their loved ones. There are ways we can work together by doing a memorial project or offering resources and referrals for grief support.

—Melissa Ferrante

SHARING SOURCES
Family Caregivers Alliance
For more than 40 years, Family Caregiver Alliance has worked at the local, state, and national levels, with the mission of improving the quality of life for family caregivers of adults with cognitive (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, stroke, head injury, etc.) and physical disabilities through services, education, advocacy, and research.
FAC’s easy-to-read, accessible fact sheets (in multiple languages) provide information on various health conditions. They also offer guidelines on how to approach those diagnosed with specific conditions. This information can be used to enhance communication and to gain understanding of how the disease may affect various functions.

ASK INELDA

I trained with a different doula organization. Can I still become an INELDA member?—email inquiry

Yes! Everyone who wants to become part of our growing community—to support our mission of providing accessible, equitable, and compassionate deathcare—is welcome to join INELDA as a member. We offer a three-tiered program, to suit your individual goals. And, depending on which tier you choose, you will have access to monthly Community Meetups, partnership offers, and our popular webinars. READ MORE

Please submit questions to [email protected]

SELF-CARE

Letting go of Should

Often, we tell ourselves things should be a certain way, that we should, or they should, or it should. I should call so-and-so, I should make that appointment, they should check in, we should be more connected, that should not have happened. You can see where this is going. This internal narrative can progress in a downhill spiral if we aren’t mindful.

Recently, on a long-distance trip to visit a dear friend I rarely get to see, things did not quite go as planned. We had an elaborate itinerary together—reservations at a restaurant we love, a cross-country ski outing, dinner scheduled with other high school friends, and a yoga class booked, to start. After a few hours, it was very clear that we were both exhausted and just needed some downtime. We each had expectations to navigate, but agreed that we would ditch any plan for the sake of self-care. READ MORE

—Kimberly Jordan Allen

News Briefs
Rural Hospital Care Threatened
A 2024 report issued by Chartis, a health care management consulting firm, showed that 50% of rural hospitals are operating in the red, a jump of seven percentage points in just the past 12 months. Since 2010, 167 rural hospitals have either closed or converted to a model that doesn’t allow for inpatient care, and today 418 hospitals are vulnerable to closure. This has wide effects on services, including access to obstetricians and chemotherapy services. READ MORE

Cancer Is Increasing Around the Globe
The World Health Organization released data chronicling the latest reports on cancer from around the globe. In 2022, there were an estimated 20 million new cancer cases and 9.7 million deaths; 53.5 million people were alive within five years following a cancer diagnosis. About 1 in 5 people develop cancer in their lifetime, and approximately 1 in 9 men and 1 in 12 women die from the disease. READ MORE

Recommendations for Advance Care Planning for People With Dementia

A new study by the European Working Group of People With Dementia outlines an approach to advance care planning that is inclusive of people with dementia, as the current recommendations do not address individuals with different levels of decisional capacity. The study was conducted through a series of focus groups and interviews with people living with dementia and their supporters. Participants were located in Ireland, United Kingdom, Germany, Slovenia, Iceland, Sweden, Austria, Belgium, and Portugal. READ MORE

The Final Word

Grief
by Raymond Carver
Woke up early this morning and from my bed looked far across the Strait to see a small boat moving through the choppy water, a single running light on. Remembered my friend who used to shout his dead wife’s name from the hilltops around Perugia. Who set a plate for her at his simple table long after she was gone. And opened the windows so she could have fresh air. Such display I found embarrassing. So did his other friends. I couldn’t see it. Not until this morning.

Accessible, Equitable, and Compassionate Deathcare

© INELDA 2024 International End-of-Life Doula Association is a
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Tax ID#: 47-3023741

Email us: [email protected] | Phone: 201-540-9049

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