| TOOLBOX TIPS |
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It’s been my experience that the love between pet and owner can be powerful and profound. For some, this relationship embodies the true meaning of love in action—a sense of unconditional acceptance, authenticity, and devotion.
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As a life coach, end-of-life doula, and certified grief educator and coach, I realize that life is a beautiful circle…a cycle that longs to be completed. My work with fur babies and their caregivers is based on this circle of life, and I hope that the words, rituals, and actions I offer to connect the cycle give the loved ones left behind a sense of peace. I learned this from my INELDA training and my Jack Russell terrier, Annie. I hope that sharing my experience can help with any animals you assist.
At 15, Annie was ready to cross the threshold, and I made an appointment with Lap of Love. I wanted to savor each moment we had left together and made a conscious decision to be in the moment, not fear my future without her. I also knew that others might benefit from my experience, and with permission from Lap of Love and their veterinarian Dr. Rachel, a friend of mine filmed Annie’s crossing. After she died, I asked if one of my tiny pewter Guardian Angel coins could accompany her through cremation. Annie’s last moments were filled with overflowing love and gratitude, and a peaceful power that soothed my soul. After she crossed, I chose a coin and turned it over to reveal the word on the back: “Love.”
Two weeks later, I received a package, a lovely box with Annie’s ashes. I looked further and saw a tiny bag with a small silver ball, a gentle reminder of what true love feels like. I now wear a beautiful necklace that completes Annie’s circle of life and gives me great peace and gratitude.
—Patti DiMiceli
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| SHARING SOURCES |
| Eluna |
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In 2000, Major League Baseball (MLB) pitcher Jamie Moyer and child advocate Karen Phelps Moyer started Eluna as a small nonprofit in Seattle, Washington, with a mission to help children in distress. Over the past 21 years, the organization has grown; it now serves the United States and Canada.
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“What started as a mission to help children in distress in Seattle, Eluna has grown into a national network of over 50 partners that provide free support services to children and families impacted by grief and addiction through our three signature programs—Camp Erin, Camp Mariposa, and the Eluna Resource Center,” said Mary FitzGerald, chief executive officer of Eluna. “Eluna has impacted the lives of over 42,000 campers and has offered personalized services to nearly 900 families.” The mission has evolved to focus on childhood bereavement and addiction prevention—two issues that the founders saw affecting youth regularly.
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ASK INELDA
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How and when can I help educate caregivers on what to expect when a loved one is dying, so that the end of life is not so traumatizing for them? —A.D.
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Trainer Shelby Kirillin: Each time I go to meet with a client, the person who opens the door is most often the caregiver. I remind those caregivers that my client isn’t just the person who is dying, but that “my client” is the dying person’s entire support system, including loved ones and family. I often check in with them, saying, “Death can be really scary—it doesn’t always look good or smell good. I want you to know that I can sit here and I can help you if there’s anything that you’re confused or want to know about.” Then I inquire how they are doing, how they are handling this death. This often leads to me asking if they would like me to walk them through some of the physical symptoms they may encounter or possible expectations they may have. “Would you like me to talk about the dying process and how it might unfold?” Even if people reject the offer, I let them know the door is open at any time for this conversation.
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| Please submit questions to [email protected] |
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| Self-Care Prescription |
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I am so stressed! What can I do? This is the statement and question I frequently get from clients in my practice. There is so much written about stress, and yet so much misunderstanding and misuse of the word.
We need stress to survive. Nevertheless, when the amount in our body, mind, and spirit overwhelms our capacity to cope, we feel “distress” and “burnout.” Webster’s defines “distress” as “the suffering of mind or body, severe physical or mental status.” As doulas, we may feel overwhelmed by our own personal changes and grief, as well as the environment we live in, i.e., a world marked by climate change, politics, racial injustice, economic inequities, etc. Noted family therapist Virginia Satir said: “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference.”
How you see the world and how you have coped with your personal stress in the past predicts how you deal with life today. Whatever the causes of stress are, too much of it can lead to burnout. Research is clear about the connection between stress and health, as well as how thoughts and emotions affect the immune system. To work your way through burnout, first identify your current coping skills and strengths. What’s working for you? What are the challenges? What needs to change? What are some constructive ways to manage your stress?
Use these steps to help balance and maintain a mental, physical, and spiritual life:
Learn how to identify the warning signs of stress. Maybe you are more tired than usual, more irritable, falling into uneven sleeping patterns, etc. What are your signs?
Identify the root of your stress. For example, you might have too many demands placed upon you, or maybe you have conflicting responsibilities, financial stressors, or a lack of people who understand your needs, your boundaries, etc. What are your indicators for change?
Identify what you can change to gain more control of your life. Don’t waste your energy trying to change things that are beyond your control. You only have control over yourself. Ask yourself: What can I change or not?
Take action and manage your stress!
The key is to examine your thoughts, regulate your emotions and reactions, and remember who you are. We forget that nothing remains the same—nothing is forever. Our feelings and emotions are transitory. Accepting life on its own terms, facing the facts without adding meaning to them, is a powerful tool to manage life. As psychotherapist Judy Tatelbaum shares, “Our willingness to look at our lives from a new perspective opens the possibility of transformation.”
—Julia Andino, LCSW-R
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