PROGNOSIS – notes on living
by Nancy Otto
When my wife, Debra Chasnoff, was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer, she immediately picked up her camera to document her journey. Debra—or Chas, as we called her—was an Academy Award-winning documentary filmmaker, so picking up the camera was an instinctual response.
However, filming the last two and a half years of our lives together was both a comfort and a challenge. The camera became our constant witness. In the beginning, it was a nagging intrusion. But as time went on, we leaned on the camera to process and remember all that we were losing. I did not understand that this was Chas’s legacy project until I took the INELDA doula training a year after she passed.
Chas used film as a medium to help viewers develop empathy and compassion on topics that were personal to her. Most notably, she created a series of films for teachers addressing how to talk about LGBTQ+ people and their lives in age-appropriate ways. Her intention was to create safer and more welcoming schools for chosen families like ours. Her films became standard curriculum in teacher education programs and schools throughout the United States.
While Chas did not know the arc of her last film, she hoped that sharing our struggle to hold on tightly to each other would help loosen the fears some of us have about dying. And it might even guide us to turn toward this inevitable reality with more curiosity and less anxiety.
In her last months of life, she asked me and four of her closest filmmaking friends to finish the movie. With over 200 hours of footage, we started working as soon as she was gone. While watching the footage of our most vulnerable moments over and over again was difficult, I am deeply grateful to her for submersing me in this project with our friends as we grieve and work together to fulfill her vision.
Together, the five of us completed editing the film last month. PROGNOSIS – notes on living premiered at Frameline, the San Francisco International LGBTQ+ Film Festival, on June 19. This past month it was screened twice at the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival.
The film depicts the conversations between Chas and me as we tried to maintain a healthy balance of knowing and not knowing. We purposely did not want to know her prognosis. Our intention was to live as fully as we could, despite the constant reminders that our time together might be nearing the end. The film shows how our community of family and friends found their way to our side, meeting us wherever we were emotionally, and then stepping in to hold us during Chas’s active dying. There are very few resources depicting chosen families dealing with these issues.
Part of Chas’s success as a documentary filmmaker was that she not only made powerful films, but she also created outreach campaigns that ensured the films would be seen by as many people as possible and would be used by different communities pushing for change. We are continuing her legacy by reaching out to organizations throughout the country working to improve the lives of others who are living with serious illness and facing their mortality.
The INELDA training was an important experience for me as I was going through my grieving process. I was so impressed with the pretraining materials and the depth of the conversations we were able to have over the three days of training. I was often thinking of the INELDA community as we were putting the film together, hoping it might prove to be a valuable resource.
I cannot describe the deep sense of peace and joy I feel for having finished the film. I know Chas is proud of us. And I hope this film provides some benefit for those who work in the medical profession, social workers dealing with illness, practitioners in the death and dying movement, and doulas providing end-of-life care.
Our next showing will be at the Outfest Los Angeles LGBTQ Film Festival, where it is scheduled to show August 15 at 2:00 p.m. (PT) at the REDCAT Theater in Calarts’ Downtown Center for Contemporary Arts. We also plan on creating a postfilm screening guide to help families and friends who gather to watch the film have deeper conversations afterward. To view trailer click HERE.
Bio: Nancy Otto is a glass installation artist and a fundraising consultant for nonprofit organizations. She is a practicing Buddhist and spent two years studying Heavenly Messengers: Awakening Through Illness, Aging and Death at Spirit Rock Meditation Center. Nancy plans to continue exploring end-of-life doula opportunities and trainings. Nancy is also a member of INELDA’s LGBTQIA2S+ Advisory Council.
Ed. Note: INELDA is a Marquee Partner for PROGNOSIS – notes on living.