Serving those who Served: Reflections on the Meaning of Memorial Day

by Qwynn A. Galloway-Salazar, M.A.

I am sure many of you are familiar with the quote, “not all who wander are lost.” This quote took on a new meaning for me when a mentor and shero woman combat veteran diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer used it to describe my journey to becoming a veteran hospice volunteer and end-of-life doula.

My journey was not a surprise to her, as she reminded me that the last 20 years of my existence were preparing me physically, mentally, and spiritually for the work that I was called to do. You see, I am an Army veteran, spouse to a combat veteran, mother to military children, a behavioral health professional dedicated to serving the needs of service members, veterans, and their families, and a researcher with an interest in storytelling and the lived experiences of veterans.

Earlier this year, I made the decision to pursue becoming an end-of-life doula specializing in the needs of veterans and their caregivers. For years, I have been a safe space, listening and often comforting those who suffered from the invisible and visible wounds of war. I have stared into the stoic eyes of veterans living with post-traumatic stress, military sexual trauma, traumatic brain injury, substance use disorder, suicidal ideations, moral injury, and survivor’s guilt. I have also held space for and have heard beautiful stories of resilience, lifetime memories of camaraderie, and achievements. As I have honored the lives of our heroes through my work, the realization occurred that veterans need that level of support at the end of life. For many, emotional pain at the end of life is one of the deepest wounds they possess.

On May 31, 2021, as we jump-start the summer season, will you honor those that made the ultimate sacrifice and ensure their service is never forgotten? Many of you are serving veterans and their caregivers, and on this day, they may feel mixed emotions, or their emotional states might be heightened. Will you be there to comfort, companion, validate their experiences, and honor them? On this day, our veterans may mourn the loss of the brothers and sisters they lost during World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Cold War, the Gulf War/Desert Storm, and in Afghanistan and Iraq. It is also important to note that we have also lost servicemen and servicewomen right here on American soil and other parts of the world who died while performing military duties.

On this day, veterans receiving end-of-life care may reminisce and reflect on how their military experience impacted their lives and the lives of their loved ones.  So, I thought I would share a few reminders and tips to help you navigate this day and honor the veterans you serve:

• Memorial Day is a day of remembrance for those that made the ultimate sacrifice, so please do not wish your veteran a happy Memorial Day.
• Memorial Day may be filled with mixed emotions for your veteran; invite them to share a story in remembrance of the fallen.
• Steer clear of insensitive questions. Be supportive and non-judgmental in the process.
• Despite their potential stoicism at the end of life, make it a goal to be a safe space and validate their experiences.
• Be patient and listen.
• Caregivers and family members present may also have stories of the fallen; remember their service too!

Bio: Qwynn Galloway-Salazar is an Army Veteran with 13+ years of experience in Behavioral Health and Social Services serving the needs of Service Members, Veterans, and their Families. Qwynn is a passionate advocate for those with visible and invisible wounds of war. She is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Industrial and Organizational Psychology with a specialization in Forensic Consulting from Walden University, and holds a Master of Science in Professional Counseling from Argosy University and a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice from American Intercontinental University. Feel free to reach out at [email protected]