To Shadow or Not to Shadow Another Doula

by Nicole Heidbreder

 

Often when I teach the INELDA End of Life Doula class people ask me how they can get to  “shadow” another doula before working on their own. I understand where that thought comes from: it’s that age-old anxiety about not wanting to mess things up; wanting to do a good job. When I was a nursing student, part of my learning came from watching a seasoned nurse instructor bandage a wound, set up an IV, and do dozens of other procedures. But doula work isn’t about learning how to perform a concrete activity that you will do over and over again in very much the same way. Doula work is more subjective, free-form. It’s about presence, “listening” for what isn’t being said, and allowing intuitive knowing to surface. You really can’t learn those things by watching someone else. You have to feel your way to those kinds of skills. It’s like entering a cave with no light. You need to stay alert with every sense, go slow and explore through your own efforts. 

All of that said, I don’t mean to imply that shadowing another doula has no value. On a practical level, watching another doula work with a client can at least minimize the anxiety of being at the bedside of the dying. It will also help you to realize that conversations about death aren’t as scary as you think. So, by all means, try to connect with another doula in your area to get a behind the scenes look at the process of being a doula. Asking never hurts.

Another approach to direct learning is to volunteer for a hospice. I recommend that every person wanting to do doula work. While this may mean jumping in without the safety net of observing another doula, it will bring you to the bedside. The dying and their loved ones will be the best mentors you can find. Using your deep active listening skills and paying close attention to how interactions go will help you develop confidence in your doula craft over time. 

Every case will give you practice and further the art of being a doula. Even the most seasoned doulas continue to hone their skills and learn from their experiences. We encourage you to get out there and try using these skills. In my own personal experience and that of others, it really seems that after ‘fumbling’ through those first clients we sorted out our practice groove. And really—what’s wrong with fumbling? 

Walking bravely into this ‘new skill’ and being ok with ourselves even when we don’t feel we did it “just right” breathes air into the space of our calling. We are asking our clients to share the imperfectly, perfect details of their lives with us. The least we can do to receive such grace is to cultivate more kindness toward ourselves, which we can do by embracing the beginner’s mind and heart.

I realize that being a beginner again can be challenging when you have had a prior career where you went through the beginner stage a long time ago. Just remember, holding on to a beginner’s mind allows spaciousness, authenticity, and inspiration. The bottom line: shadow another doula if you can, but more importantly, take the plunge and throw yourself into the work. Doing is the best learning.