Connected Together Through Space and Time
by Janine Cuthbertson
I was driving through the small city streets of Bellingham, Washington, recently with my in-laws Bob and Diane on our way to dinner, when out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a large silver rocket ship. Both Bob and my daughter have a deep affinity for rockets, so it made sense that I slowed down. Behind the rocket I saw the signature stenciled font of a Before I Die Wall. I spontaneously turned into the parking lot and announced, “I have a surprise for you!” They eyed me wearily. I coaxed them out of the car and faced them in front of the long, black chalkboard. Expressing my excitement of seeing a #BeforeIDieWall for the first time in real life, I explained the invitation to add a wish to a global community art installation.
Together we walked the length of the wall reading people’s declarations. I encouraged everyone to choose a chalk color and asked, “What do you want before you die?” This came at an auspicious time. Bob is an 81-year-old retired Boeing aeronautical engineer and loving full-time caregiver to his wife of 54 years, who has Parkinson’s. Their rural community in the Pacific Northwest can feel isolating, yet his desire for knowledge of complex science keeps his mind sharp. In his office you’ll find an array of guitars hanging from the walls and shelves of physics books.
At the wall I wrote, “Grow my own olive tree and press olive oil,” and Diane added, “Kick Parkinson’s butt and be Yoda!” Bob proclaimed, “Before I die I want to understand Einstein’s theory of relativity!” The latest book he had dedicated himself to reading was General Relativity Simplified and Assessed by Taha Sochi, not an easy read! Without engineering colleagues to converse with, Bob is alone when stuck on concepts. I wondered at that moment if there was a way to support his wish in coming true. I was touched by their willingness to participate. In that moment we each learned something unique about the others, and tears came to all our eyes over this recognition. After a few snapshots, we continued on our way to the restaurant.
A few weeks later, around Thanksgiving, I posted one of our photos from the wall on social media, sharing the story of writing our wishes as an invitation to friends and family to ask one another this meaningful question during holiday gatherings. I admit I felt a little nervous publicly sharing this intimate moment. I was overjoyed to read the first comment on the post from Kelly Julson, who I know from Better Place Forests, an INELDA partner.
Kelly shared, “This is what it’s all about! I hope I run into a #BeforeIDieWall. I’m zooming in on the photo to read everything that I can. PS My husband can help with understanding Einstein’s theory of relativity if that is yours!”
I immediately emailed Kelly that indeed that was my father-in-law’s wish, and she elaborated that her husband, Dale, is a PhD particle physicist with a gift for explaining complex topics in an understanding way and would enjoy connecting with Bob. We arranged a Zoom call for Dale and Bob to connect.
Bob has cherished his grandfatherly role as a mentor to our daughter, who has been building high-powered rockets since a young age and is now an aerospace engineering student at university. He has always been the one explaining complex topics in an understanding way to others. The conversation with Dale would give him an opportunity to be in company as equals. Everyone was full of anticipation to bring these bright minds across generations together!
Bob and Diane were present with me through the years of cancer, hospice, and estate closure with both my parents. After being beside and supporting my mother’s choice to use MAiD, I trained with INELDA as an end-of-life doula. These experiences have prompted us to regularly examine living and dying and have opened my in-laws to considering their own wishes at end of life. The wall offered an opportunity to have the conversation, which is a gift to us all.
We arranged for the conversation to take place while Bob and Diane were visiting us over the December holidays. As soon as the meeting opened, a secondary connection became clear—Dale too had a wall full of hanging guitars. There was instant conversation around their mutual passion for guitars and music! They spent the first 20 minutes comparing instruments and playing styles from old-school rock ’n’ roll to Hawaiian slack key. Then came out the notebooks and a fury of mathematical equations and drawings. Kelly and I emailed behind the scenes with happy tears witnessing a lifelong wish coming to fruition.
I am grateful I acted on the whisper in my heart (and a rocket on the road) to participate with the Before I Die Wall instead of simply driving by it. Kelly’s bravery to reach out and offer to connect touched us all deeply. This unfolding story embodies the power of our INELDA community online and in real life, offering opportunities to build relationships, collaborate, and step outside of our comfort zone to a place where difficult conversations can lead to authentic connection. We are all each other’s teachers, and supporters in this connected deathcare space—and sometimes those connections—can move at light speed.
Posted 1/13/2026