When and why did you decide to become an end-of-life doula?  

When I began to look at retirement in 2023.

What is your pathway to practicing as a doula?

From the beginning, as a nurse I was drawn to working with children who had life-limiting diseases. When I left nursing I began to volunteer for hospice and work with adults. Once I retired I decided working as an end-of-life doula and getting training and certification was going to be where I put my energy.

What type of environment do you work in?

I support the dying and their circle of care wherever they are. That could be in their home, an assisted living facility, a nursing home, or in the hospital.

What do you do before you meet with a new client?

For myself: I make sure I am traveling there in silence. That gives me time to center and let go of distractions. When I have arrived I spend a minute or two just breathing and honoring the work I am about to do. As I walk through the door I remind my inner self that I am not there to fix things but instead to listen, reflect, and support.

Can you share a short anecdote or insight that changed you?

A Transformative Experience During My Mother’s Final Weeks

During the last weeks of my mother’s life, I had the opportunity to be with her around the clock. At that time, I was running my own business as a software consultant, which allowed me the flexibility to spend all my time with her. Those precious weeks were filled with moments that have since deeply influenced and guided my life.

A Moment of Purpose

One particularly meaningful experience occurred as my mother, though no longer able to walk or rise on her own, expressed her wish to use the master bathroom. I gently lifted and cradled her in my arms to help her. In that intimate moment, she looked at me and said I was doing exactly what I was meant to do. Her words filled me with a sense of purpose and affirmation that remains with me to this day.

A Profound Farewell

Another unforgettable moment happened after several days during which my mother was mostly unresponsive, except for the occasional movement of her feet when we played show tunes. Suddenly, she experienced what is known as terminal lucidity. She sat up in bed, looked over at my father, who was lying next to her, and said, “Oh, Marvin, you are going to love it here. It is so beautiful—it is all white!” Then, in a softer voice, she reassured him, “And you’re doing everything just right.” She smiled and then drifted away again, passing away only a few hours later.

Who has been one of your teachers or mentors?

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and Steven Levine were my early teachers and mentors. Recently I have found the work of Joanne Cacciatore.

What do you wish you had known when you started as a doula?

How hard it would be and still is to curb my nursing “fix it” tendency. Also how complicated it can be to support multiple people in the circle of care.

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow doulas?

Take your time. Allow yourself the grace of making mistakes and learning from them. Don’t take on too much. Leave plenty of time for your own needs and those of your family.

What is your dream for your practice or doulas in general?

My practice is moving in the direction that I want. I would love to find another doula or two to partner with, and I am willing to be patient and wait for the right person.

I would love to see a time where using an end-of-life doula is as common as using a birth doula. Where every hospice and hospital has a team of doulas on staff.